Is It Evil
by everything-is-eninalus
Summary: One of the boys is taken and faced with an unsub who's only objective is to split the two up. The other needs to keep a cool head while looking, but it's proving difficult when the unsub's taunting him like this. Warning: Slash.
1. Chapter 1: Is It Evil

**Hey guys! So here is a little idea that actually and creepily enough came to me in a dream. I know the whole one-member-of-the-team-gets-taken but is pretty common, but I hadn't considered doing it until I dreamt this :P**

**I know it's been over a week since I've posted but I've been suuupper busy and that will hopefully get better.**

**There is a slight spoiler for The Big Game and Revelations but I kind of figured that it was an old enough episode that most of the people on this site had seen it.**

**So, it's really the first angsty thing I've written for these two and this chapter's pretty tame compared to what's to come. There will be some Non-Con and some other stuff so don't take the M rating too lightly**

**Other than that enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Re-writing this is really annoying so FOR THE WHOLE FIUC I do not own any recognizable character from the show Criminal Minds (they belong to CBS) and I do not get money for doing this. It's for fun.**

**Warning: This fic is rated M for language, sexual content, angsty situations and some other junk.**

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><p><strong>Chapter One:<strong>

She came at night.

She came when it was dark; when the only light to be found was that of the moon trying to find refuge in the solitude of the rooms beyond the windows without curtains drawn. She came when it was quiet, and any scratch or creak was as unsettling as gunfire.

But she came quietly.

And she came quickly.

She couldn't see her feet or even her hands, but she knew the place better than any, and moving through the dark here seemed like second nature.

The bedroom had moonlight in it, flooding in from the window above the large bed. She knew the purpose of the open window and had to stop a snicker.

He was afraid of the dark.

She was thankful for it tonight though, because it let her gaze upon the two men for a few minutes, drinking in the curves of them, the nakedness.

They were both peaceful and relaxed looking. It would have otherwise been a happy thing, but she knew what had caused their content state and the thought angered her.

Not wanting to dwell on the disappointment she felt, she got started on what she came to do.

Walking swiftly to the younger man's side, she let her eyes graze of all of him before speaking softly so as not to wake the other.

"Hello, Spencer."

The man's eyes tightened before opening slowly. It took him a moment before the situation seemed to sink in and she enjoyed watching his eyes widen.

She was quick with puncturing his upper arm with the needle. She saw him trying to fight the drug off, trying to say something to perhaps wake the other, but the drug won over, taking him back to sleep land.

She smiled to herself. This would be worth it.

XXX

Spencer woke in complete darkness, unable to move. A thought was tugging at his subconscious brain and he seemed to remember waking to a woman in his bedroom last night. The image his eidetic mind supplied for him was brief and fleeting so he reasoned it to be another dream of his, even though it had seemed so real…

Even though he couldn't move.

Panic set in as he began struggling at the bonds attached to his hands and feet. He was spread eagle - for want of a better term – and his hands were touching wood. If he relaxed his back though, he could feel something soft underneath him. It didn't take him long to understand he was on some sort of bed.

_Wait,_ he thought as something dawned on him. _This was _his_ bed._

He could feel the headboard pattern and smell Derek's cologne and he was _positive_ it was his bed when he rocked slightly and it hit the wall with a very familiar thud.

The curtain above had been shut and the light was evidently off, but it was his bed in his apartment.

He almost sighed in relief. He _knew_ what had happened had been a dream; a strange and completely random dream, but a dream none-the-less. This was one of Derek's games, probably wanting to explore the BDSM part of their sex lives. At any moment, Derek was going to burst through the door and simply _lavish_ Spencer's body, until the younger couldn't take it any longer and then he would pound into him with amazing strength and passion.

Strange, though, Derek knew he hated the dark and normally wouldn't leave him without any light. They had bought red light bulbs just for that reason, but those lamps weren't on either.

Spencer was just about to call out Derek's name when a thought occurred to him and his body went rigid. It wasn't _him_ who was in trouble.

It was Derek.

XXX

His eyelids were extremely heavy with something other than sleep. Derek was aware that he wasn't in his bed. He was equally aware that he wasn't even in the apartment he shared with his boyfriend. This place was much to cold to host his skinny pretty boy.

From what his half lidded eyes could gather, he was in some sort of barn or tool shed. The place was vast and had plenty of supporting beams with tools and such handing off of them.

Shifting slightly, Derek could feel that he was sitting on a basic wooden chair. His hands were tied behind his back and around the wood with what he though were leather straps, and by moving them slightly he could conclude that they were somehow attached to the chair.

Derek shook his head, trying to rid the sleepy feeling and get a better understanding, but it wouldn't pass and the movement made his very aware of the kink in his neck.

He groaned and let his eyes fall shut. After a moment he realized he wasn't wearing a shirt, which left him in nothing but boxers.

Derek scrunched his eyebrows together. He hadn't been wearing boxers _or_ a shirt last night. He normally would've smiled at the memory of _why,_ but the whole situation was making his head ache.

Opening his eyes a crack, Derek looked down to see if he really was wearing boxers. He was, and Derek just pulled his eyebrows tighter together.

"Finally awake?"

The voice made Derek's head snap up.

"Who's there?" He asked when no figure was apparent.

"Just me."

Derek, with his eyes wide open now, watched the form of a small woman step out from behind the many posts. When he didn't speak and just stared, she stepped closer.

"Do you recognize me?" The girl tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and wet her lips. "I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't."

If Derek hadn't been in this particular situation, he would've thought her to be beautiful. She was thin, with long, light brown curls framing her pale, freckled face. She had deep blue eyes that seemed too calm for Derek's comfort.

She spoke again. "I'm Regina. We met a few months ago, remember? In North Carolina?"

Derek nodded.

"I thought that might jog your memory. I was Ralph Betton's final victim. You saved me from him.

Derek blinked hard a few times. Thinking back, Betton's last victim had platinum blonde hair. He remembered that clearly.

"Where are we?"

Regina shrugged. "What does it matter?"

Derek took a deep breath. "What did you do with Spencer?"

Regina looked away. "I don't want to talk about him."

"Is he-"

"He's fine."

Derek blew out a breath, relieved. Whatever was in his system was fighting for dominance again, trying to make him fall asleep.

"Why did you take me?"

Regina smiled. "Think hard."

Derek shook his head. After the case, Derek had gone to the hospital in the ambulance with Regina. He had also stayed in the hospital room with her on her request. She had been upset when he had to leave, but not obsessively so.

"I don't know." He admitted.

"Come on, Derek. Think about why I would separate you and Spencer."

"I don't know." Derek said firmly.

Regina's smile faded and was replaced with annoyance.

"Don't lie, Derek. I know you weren't happy with Spencer. I could tell."

"What?"

"I could see it. Around him you were tense and acted like you weren't together. You were cautious-"

"The team didn't know then." Derek interrupted. "We _had _to act like we weren't together."

"Make any excuse you want, Derek. You didn't love him. You _don't_ love him. At the hospital, around me, you were relaxed and calm. You _wanted_ to be there."

"We caught Betton. Of _course_ I was relaxed." Derek gritted his teeth.

"You don't want to be with him."

"You're wrong, Regina. I love Spencer."

"No, you don't. You love what Spencer represents."

"What are you talking about?"

"You love that Spencer is willing to be your submissive. You love that he lets you take control. And after what happened in your teen years-"

"How do you know about that?"

"There are a lot of things I know, Derek. A lot."

"What do you _want_?"

"I want to show you that your not happy in your relationship. That you _want_ to be the submissive, but you're too afraid to voice it."

Derek felt his back stiffen.

"I don't want that."

"Yes," Regina cooed. "You do."

Derek shook his head which was still heavy and slow. He looked up to see Regina playing with a lock of hair.

"Do you like it?"

Derek's eyebrows pulled together.

"I had blonde hair when we met remember?"

Derek nodded.

"I figured… Well, I mean… I saw Spencer's hair and thought you might like me better like this."

Derek's eyes widened. She dyed her hair to look like Spencer? The thought seemed sick.

"So, do you like it?"

Derek head thrashed back and forth. "I c-can't… I don't believe… I'm gonna be-"

"Shh," She whispered and stepped forward.

Derek tried pushing his chair away. Tried to distance them, but Regina got to him and placed both hands on his shoulders.

"Calm down, baby."

"Get off me!"

"Derek," Regina said sharply, placing her hands on his chin and forcing him to look at her. "You're safe okay?"

"No," Derek whined.

Regina leaned forward, and despite Derek's effort to turn away, she successfully managed to pres her lips to his.

Derek stopped struggling but kept his jaw firm and unmoving.

When Regina pulled away, she was smiling.

"See? Everything's fine."

"Let me go." Derek ground out.

Regina's smile fell. "N you're staying here until you understand that a skinny smart boy can't make you happy."

"But I _am_ happy!"

"No, you're delusional. Men shouldn't be with other men, no matter how girlish they are." Regina snapped and then straightened up. "I'll be back later." She stated, turning.

Derek watched her leave, jaw set and angry, but when she was gone, his head fell against his chest. He tried to fight it, but a sob bubbled up.

Spencer was probably scared for him right now, worried about him.

"How could I have been so stupid?" He muttered to himself. About what, he wasn't sure – no one could've seen this coming – but he felt dumb and defeated.

He felt tears stinging his eyes and he let them fall. He was tired and unhappy. He felt angry and weak and he was certain that he was dehydrated and hungry. His misery was coming at him from all directions and he just wanted it to end.

_At least she's not torturing you or threatening your life._

Derek shut his eyes tightly when a horrible thought occurred to him.

All this had happened to Spencer at the hands of Tobias Hankle. Not only had he been tied in a similar way but he also had had an even better reason to be mad at himself, for leaving JJ's side. Derek had spent a lot of his time convincing Spencer it wasn't his fault after he'd returned from the graveyard.

Spencer would've been feeling even worse than Derek, and to add to that. His life _had_ been threatened and he _had_ been tortured, he was even forced to decide someone else's _fate_.

Derek was suddenly angry for even considering feeling sorry for himself. He had no right, not when he'd witnessed first-hand how some people actually had it

St that moment, Derek would've given anything to hold Spencer in his arms, to smell the intoxicating scent in the crook of his neck, to run his hands through the impossibly soft hair and whisper sweet nothings in his ear. He just wanted to see his pretty boy beam at him and feel him shiver at Derek's touch, and if he hadn't been trapped here; tied to this chair, he would've been able to do all that now.

But Regina had taken that from him.

Hatred seethed through Derek's core and he felt his teeth clench. He had never in his life craved contact with Spencer like he did now. Even if Derek could just hold his hand, it would be enough.

_When I get home, _he thought, _I'm going to make sure there is no doubt in Spencer's mind that he's mine and I, his._

To keep himself sane, Derek continued to think solely about of Spencer and what he would do to him when he got home, and as the day grew on, Derek could feel sleep pulling him under. Derek tried to let peace take over so he could rest without concern, but a question kept nagging him.

What if he never went home?

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><p><strong>Who didn't think it was going to be Derek that was taken?<strong>

***raises hand***

**Oh wait, no, I knew that *****awkwardly puts hand down*******

**Hope you guys like it so far! I'm thinking this one may be a little longer than usual but I'm not sure, my muse hasn't decided, and I haven't yet given my muse a name so she's not super inclined to let me know what's going on up there :P**

**Let me know what you thought and I'll hopefully be updating soon!**

**Love always! Xoxoxo**


	2. Chapter 2: Now Your Body's Drained

**Hey, sorry for the late update but I had some severe writers block and just couldn't seem to get it together fast enough, but it's gone now and I've got a new chapter!**

**Hope you like it!**

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><p><strong>Chapter two:<strong>

Spencer could feel his tears drying on his face. He had been struggling against the leather bonds for the better part of an hour without any luck, and his ankles and wrists were now inflamed and irritated.

The sun had now rose and so there was a dim light coming through the thick, red curtains. It wasn't light enough to see around the room or even the bed, but it was making Spencer's ivory skin glow slightly, so he wasn't so panicked about his inability to see.

He knew that by now the team would know that something was wrong. His alarm clock was displaying 9:24, which means they're a half-hour late. He was just wondering how angry Hotch must be when his cell phone lit up and began vibrating on the table next to him.

Spencer actually made to grab it, when the sharp sting from his wrist reminded him he was unable. He waited in frustration for his voicemail to get it and eventually the vibrating stopped and he assumed it had. It was only forty seconds before his home phone began ringing. The phone rang five times before his voicemail picked up.

'_Hey, you've reached Spencer and Derek,' _his voice echoed into the silence. _'Sorry that we were unable to answer your call, but you can try our cell phones at-'_

Spencer closed his eyes as his automated voice recited his and Derek's number's into the silence and waited for the beep.

After it sounded a hesitant and worried voice followed.

'_Re-Spencer? Derek?'_ It was Emily. _'I was just wondering where you were? Or if you're okay? We've been worried. Please call back. I'll try Derek.'_

Spencer felt the stinging behind his eyes return when Derek's cell phone on the other table rang. Much like his, it eventually stopped and Spencer could only assume the voicemail had got it.

He was surprised when the home phone began ringing again.

'_Hey, you've reached Spencer and Derek, sorry that we-'_

The line went dead and Spencer could no longer fight the tears that fell for the second time. He pulled uselessly at the bonds, ignoring the stabbing pain.

"Ahhhh!" His voice grew loud and he thrashed with all his strength until his wrists bled and then he stopped and sobbed convulsively into the dark room.

"Derek," He whined. The cry seemed stupid, but he didn't know what else to do, what else to say.

Spencer Reid was alone and scared.

XXX

Emily hung up the phone and glanced up at Garcia standing over her.

"Well?" The blonde asked.

"No answer at all."

Garcia nodded but the action wasn't at all reassuring.

"Okay. That's okay. Maybe they're having hot male sex?"

Emily gave her a look. "Spencer is _never_ late for work."

"Yeah, but… We'll just… I mean…" The tech trailed off.

"I'm worried, Pen."

Garcia bit her lip. "Me too."

"I'm going to talk to Hotch."

"Yeah. Yeah, you go."

Emily stood up and took long strides up the slanted runway to Hotch's office. She knocked three times.

"Come in." Came her boss's voice.

Emily opened the door and stood in front of the large mahogany desk.

"Sir? Neither Morgan or Reid has shown up today."

Hotch glanced at his watch. "No?"

"Try calling them." He suggested, trying to keep a light tone.

"I did." Emily said and watched Hotch's head rise and look blankly past her. "Both cells and the home line didn't pick up."

The unit chiefs eyes slowly moved to meet her own and they seemed to have a silent communication between them.

"Can you leave in five?" He asked.

"I can leave right now."

Hotch nodded. "Let's go."

XXX

It had been exactly one hour, eleven minutes and forty nine seconds from waking up before Spencer heard the knock on his front door.

"Spencer? Derek?" It was Emily's voice that came from the apartment buildings hallway.

Spencer didn't yell back. They wouldn't be able to hear him from outside.

It was only a matter of seconds before he heard the door open. He could yell now, let them know where he was.

Shame was worming its way into his consciousness now, though. Not only was he naked and bonded to his own bed, but both his arms and ankles were bloody and he'd been unable to keep Derek out of harms way.

More tears came and overflowed as he called out.

"In here! I'm in here."

The door opened seconds later and the light was turned on.

Emily was standing there, gun outstretched, a mix of shock and worry on her face and Spencer couldn't help the sobs that ripped from his chest.

"Spencer," She said softly, stepping forward. "It's going to be okay."

"Please," He whimpered. "The bonds. Please."

Emily nodded, but first took one of the sheets from the bottom of the bed and covered him.

"Thanks," Spencer choked.

Hotch came into the room just then.

"It's all clear."

"Hotch, scissors. We need scissors."

Spencer saw the older man's eyes rake over his body and he nodded once before holstering his gun and turning out of the room.

"Derek," Spencer directed at Emily. "She took Derek."

Emily turned back to him and sat on the edge of the bed.

"She who?"

Spencer shook his head. "I don't know. I've seen her before, I swear, but I can't place it."

"Shh, it's okay, baby. Just calm down. We're here now."

Spencer sobbed again. "This is so embarrassing." He whimpered.

Emily shook her head. "No need to be embarrassed-"

"I should've been able to help him, but she drugged me and left me useless. Oh god, I was so scared. And now you've come here and I'm naked and bleeding…"

"Spencer, do _not_ feel embarrassed because you couldn't help him. If she drugged you, then there was nothing you could do."

Spencer sobbed and frowned. "I can't believe this."

Hotch returned moments later with a pair of scissors from the kitchen.

"These were all I could find."

Emily rubbed Spencer's covered leg soothingly while Hotch cut roughly at the leather around his ankle. Once both ankles were free Spencer curled in on himself.

"Derek must be so scared right now." He muttered through his labored breathing.

"We'll find him, Spencer." Emily assured as Hotch moved up to his arm. "Did she do anything else to you? Besides drugging you and tying you up?

"She?" Came Hotch's voice from Spencer's side.

"It was a woman. She took Derek." Spencer said softly.

Hotch nodded and cut through the first wrist bond. Spencer brought his hand down to examine the raw, red skin there, wincing at its painful appearance.

"No, she didn't do anything else." He answered. "I wasn't what she wanted."

Spencer's other hand was released shortly after that and Emily and Hotch excused themselves so he could get dressed. His hands were shaking violently and silent sobs were still bubbling up, but the tears were gone. The fear was replaced with a quiet but strong determination.

He was going to make this right again.

XXX

Derek woke to a clattering noise and the heavy thud of raindrops. It only took him a few moments to spot Regina; she was bolting up a large door on the other side of the vast tool shed. She turned and began walking towards him and when she saw he was awake, she gave a small wave.

"Get any sleep?" She asked, unscrewing the lid to a water bottle in her hands.

Derek gave a short nod.

"Good. I'm sorry about the drug. It leaves you kind of drowsy. Thirsty?" She indicated the water.

Derek nodded again and drank deeply when she held the bottle to his lips.

"What time is it?" He asked when he was finished drinking.

"Around four in the afternoon." Regina shrugged.

Derek closed his eyes and listened to the rain. He wondered if he was close enough that it was raining where Spencer was too.

"I was happy with Spencer." Derek stated.

His eyes flew open when a flat hand connected sharply with his cheek. Regina's eyes were flaming.

"Do not talk about him." She gritted. "Do not."

Derek set his jaw. "Take me back."

"No,"

"You won't be happy with me. I don't like women."

"Every man likes women!" She fumed.

"Not me."

Regina threw the bottle aside and clasped her hands around Derek's neck.

"I'll prove you wrong."

Her lips collided with Derek's, but this time the sweetness and caring was gone. It was rough and shaky and almost painful as she forced his lips apart. Derek couldn't move his head either way because of her vice grip and he found himself struggling against the chair.

Regina moved so she was straddling Derek's lap, pressing herself to him.

"Don't you think I'm pretty?" She growled in his ear. "Am I _good_ enough for you?"

"St-stop." Derek gasped. "Please,"

"No," Regina raked her nails down Derek's neck and chest. "This is what you want." He felt her hand snake down his stomach and come to rest between his legs, palming him.

"No," Derek shook his head. "I don't want this. Stop!"

"Stop fighting." She pressed harder.

"Please," Derek couldn't stop his voice from breaking.

Regina brought her head back to look at him. Her eyes were calm and lucid.

"You're so beautiful." She murmured.

"Please, Regina." He begged, feeling his eyes go moist and a persistent lump in his throat.

She moved off him. "It's fine, baby. You're fine." She began pulling his boxers down.

"N-no!" Derek gasped, but it was too late. She'd made up her mind, he could see that.

He let his head fall back so that maybe his eyes would take back the tears he didn't want her to see him crying while she undid her own jeans.

_This doesn't make sense._ He practically begged to himself. How many times had Spencer told him that women didn't do this? Didn't get a sexual release from captives?

_That's when it involves murder._ A voice in his head told him, and he had to listen. He couldn't justify this. Couldn't file it away so it made sense or seemed logical.

He saw Regina take a step forward and he looked back at her, avoiding looking at the naked half of her body.

She straddled his thighs so that there were a few inches room between them. Derek turned his head away as she gazed at him and had to stifle a sob when he felt her hand on him.

He was responding to stimulation. He knew that was it, but it didn't stop the hatred and disgust for himself rising in his stomach.

He had felt this type of sick pleasure before, with Carl. It was the epitome of self-loathing to know that his body liked it when his mind didn't.

Derek could feel her gaze still boring into him and he closed his eyes when her other hand was brought to his face, guiding it back to face her.

"Ready?" He heard her ask, along with a ripping that sounded like a condom which was soon confirmed when he felt it.

He shook his head vigorously but he knew it was useless to refuse.

Derek made a choking noise when he felt her surround him. He wanted it to stop. He _needed_ it to stop. He had had a difficult time erasing Carl from his thoughts whenever he had sex with Spencer at the beginning of their relationship, and this almost felt unfair to him; to Spencer. This was going to cut anther deep wound that needed to be healed. His lover would no doubt be there for him every step of the way, no matter how difficult it was.

Derek took a deep breath and tried to replace Regina with Spencer. He imagined them on their couch. Spencer's legs spread wide as he straddled him, his tight, amazing heat surrounding Derek. He was rocking his hips slowly; making love rather than having sex. He could see Spencer's eyebrows pull together as he got close; see his mouth form the silent 'O' with the sheen of sweat on his forehead. Derek could imagine Spencer opening his eyes and seeing his pupils blown wide.

Derek felt the heat pooling in his stomach and his fantasy wavered. But he focused all his energy into bringing it back. After a few minutes he felt he was right on the edge and held his breath. He imagined Spencer's expression during orgasm and imagined him restricting impossibly tighter around him and soon Derek was biting his lip hard and letting his breath out slow.

He felt the absence of Regina and waited until he heard her zipper go up before he opened his eyes.

Regina removed the condom and pulled his boxers back up before speaking.

"See?" She asked when he was covered. "You wanted that."

Derek shook his head.

Regina simply shrugged. "We'll see." She straightened up. "I'll be back in a while."  
>Derek just sat and stared at the floor. He felt empty and filthy. Was he jaded because he had just sat and let it happen? Did his giving in mean he gave up?<p>

He felt a tear run down his face and neck, settling on his collarbone.

It was unfair. Everything was unfair.

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><p><strong>All your favorites and alerts were great guys, but I got a lack of reviews and I was making a pouty face much like Spencer's.<strong>

**Just a little encouragement to show the love! But no serious pressure, it's not like I'll stop writing :P**

**Love always! Xoxoxo**o


	3. Chapter 3: You're Thinking Very Slow

**Hey! Sorry for the late update! I'm back at school now so that will probably be a more regular time between posts. Super sorry!**

**Anyways this chapter was fun to do so I hope you like it as much as me :D**

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><p><strong>Chapter Three<strong>

Derek watched Regina come back into the barn (or tool shed, he really had no idea what to call it) about forty minutes later.

"You're still awake?" She asked as she approached him. When Derek didn't answer she inclined the door with her head. "I just had a shower."

Derek sat with his jaw locked and stubborn.

"Derek?" She asked cautiously. "Say something."

"I hate you." He spat out.

Her eyes widened briefly before narrowing.

"How could you?" She asked. "I'm giving you what you want."

Derek thrashed in his chair, making it rock violently.

"I DON'T WANT THIS!" He screamed. "I LOVE SPENCER! _SPENCER!"_

"You don't." Regina scolded.

"Yes I do! You're nothing compared to him! He would never hurt me! Never force me to do something I didn't want to do!"

Regina closed her eyes as if trying to clam herself while Derek continued.

"I'm _gay._ So are 8.8 million other people in the US alone!"

"What, did _Spencer_ tell you that?" Regina sneered, eyes still closed, but Derek continued.

"And that's only the ones who chose to disclose their sexual orientation!"

"They're wrong and confused like you." Regina interrupted again.

"I'M NOT CONFUSED!" Derek roared. "I've never loved someone more than Spencer! And you know what? I was imagining it was him while you were raping me!"

Regina's eyes flew open and she took three very long strides. She forced her hand across his face three times, which left red marks.

"I didn't rape you." She said darkly, coldly. "You wanted it."

"I didn't." He spat.

She slapped him again.

"Why don't you understand?" She growled. "Men simply _don't_ like men."

"That's not true."

The both of them were staring intensely at each other, neither blinking, neither moving. After a few moments Regina's eyes narrowed.

"I'll be back later." She turned and left.

Once Derek was alone, he felt exhaustion catch up with him. He tried hard to fight it, but being emotionally and physically drained was taking a toll on him. He knew it would be the second time he slept under this roof, but he really couldn't fight it. And eventually he closed his eyes and let it come.

And Derek slept.

XXX

"Oh! Spence! Baby!"

Garcia ran towards him and flung her arms around the skinny agent. Normally Spencer didn't really like to be touched, but he was relieved to be able to hold onto someone at that moment, so he wrapped his arms around her.

"Hi." He mumbled miserably into the tech's neck. He knew she'd understand what he was feeling

"Oh, my baby boy." She let go of his neck and stepped back, letting her hands run down his arms and wrists to his hands so she could hold them both.

Spencer winced.

Garcia looked down and saw the large white wrap-around bandages on his wrists.

"What happened?" She asked, her eyes widening. Evidently, someone had told her about Derek but not about Spencer.

"I was… I was t-tied to the bed."

"It wasn't Derek who tied you up?"

Spencer blushed but he laughed as well. It wasn't very happy, but it was an effort. "No, it wasn't him."

"We'll find who did this, baby."

Spencer nodded and looked back behind him to Hotch, who put a comforting hand on his thin shoulder. "Let's all meet in the conference room?"

Spencer nodded again and looked at Garcia. He waited until Hotch had left before speaking,

"I feel like an idiot."

"Why?"

"I should've protected him. I should've done something. But she drugged me and-"

"You were drugged? Then there wasn't anything you could do, right?"

Spencer shrugged. "I should've made some noise. Derek wakes to any sound of distress. If I could just have moaned or whined or-"

"No, baby. This isn't you fault."

"I know." Spencer said, somewhat resigned. "But then I was trapped in my own house, in the dark, not only naked but tied to my own bed."

"She stripped you naked?" Garcia asked, eyes wide as plates behind those red-rimmed glasses.

"No," Spencer blushed and looked down. "No, Derek did that the night before."

Garcia kept a fairly straight face but Spencer didn't miss the tug of her lip. "Come on. Let's get to the conference room."

Spencer just let himself be guided by a hand at the small of his back and let Garcia sit him down when they entered the room.

One by one, as each of the agents came in, Spencer had to see their reaction; Prentiss's fear, Hotch's determination, JJ's concern, and Rossi's contemplation. It was hard and annoying and Spencer wanted to just curl up in a ball and cry but his team needed him, and he the team.

It felt odd, everyone sitting, no one to present photos or case files. They were all depending on Spencer. So it made him squirm that there was very little to say. Her cleared his throat.

"Last night, around one or one-thirty I would say, a woman came into our apartment. I was only aware of her when she called my name while standing next to me. She was about twenty-four. I felt her put a needle in my arm and I slipped back into unconsciousness. When I woke this morning, I was tied with high-end, leather bonds on both my wrists and ankles." Spencer pretended not to see half of the team try to glance through the table towards his feet. "Derek was gone an the drug still had some effect on me. I'm really not sure what it might be but I had a blood test done at the hospital on the way over here and they'll try to see if anything was still in my system."

Spencer cleared his throat and glanced around before continuing,

"The curtain on my window in my bedroom was shut. Some of you know that I'm afraid of the dark," He smiled at himself briefly. "So I'm vigilant about keeping it open. I think this indicates that this woman knows Derek and I more personally than I'd really like to admit. She was trying to scare me."

"She did a damn good job." Rossi through in.

Spencer nodded and looked to Hotch for guidance from here.

"You said earlier that you recognized her?" Emily asked.

Spencer nodded. "Yes, I did. But I can't place it. I'd like to say we worked a case where she was a victim but I really can't put a name to it."

"When do you think? Do you have some sort of time frame?" Hotch asked.

Spencer shrugged. "I'd say in the last year. But I'm really not sure. I only saw her for 4.78 seconds."

"Garcia-"

"On it. Female surviving victims in their twenties from the last year on all our cases."

They all watched Garcia jump from her chair and head straight out of the room. Once she was gone Spencer felt some sort of relief. He didn't need to carry every detail at the front of his memory now. He could relax some. The thought seemed to overwhelm him, and he quickly rested his elbows on the table and covered his eyes. He really didn't want to cry again.

Emily's hand found his back and rubbed soothing circles on it.

"It's okay, Spence. We'll find him."

Spencer nodded but didn't move from the spot. "Why him?" He asked.

"Pardon?" Came Rossi's voice.

"Why Derek? Why was he important so her?"

"If she's got any sort of delusional disorder than we can't know for sure. Maybe they had a bond. Maybe _he_ was the one to get to her first. Derek has always had an exquisite bedside manner with the surviving victims on our cases. It could be a number of reasons."

Spencer shrugged. All of that was plausible but, in his mind, it didn't excuse anything.

"Emily, will you stay here with Spencer? There are a few things JJ and I need to do and Rossi was in the middle of a consultation. We'll meet back here when we're done."

Emily nodded, and the two of them watched the other agents leave again.

"Kind of pitiful, huh?" Spencer said after a minute.

"What?"

"I have an eidetic memory and I can't even remember this woman."

"Honey, no one expects you to-"

"Yeah, they do."

"No," Emily said firmly. "None of us would have been able to do any better, and you know it."

Spencer smiled weakly.

"We'll catch her."

"Hopefully before it's to late."

"Don't think like that." Emily said. "Derek will not die. Don't you have a million statistics up in that brain of yours that can confirm that? Women don't kill their victims right after abducting them. There's no point to it then."

"I guess." Spencer said quietly.

"And besides, how many female victims in their twenties could have survived unsubs on our cases in the last year?"

Spencer shrugged and cast his eyes downward. "I don't know."

"It's fine, baby, it's gonna be fine."

The next couple of hours were hell on earth for Spencer. Everyone was in and out of the conference room trying to console him and offering to do things for him like get him coffee and all he really wanted was to be left alone or get ahead in the case.

Hotch had had a bad run-in with Strauss because he hadn't consulted her and the whole team was on edge, worried that Strauss would pull an authority bit and take the case away from them. Hotch was being defiant and had insisted that Garcia continue doing what she was even though Strauss had banned her for the last hour.

Spencer had moved from his spot in the conference room to his desk and was doing menial sort of tasks just to keep his mind occupied when his phone rang.

The whole team froze, as did Spencer. His phone never rang; not his work phone, at least. Any calls he got were almost always on his cell phone. What was the likelihood of him getting a call on this line the day the Derek was abducted?

Hotch had moved from his office to the bullpen now,, which meant that everyone was in the room just watching Spencer watch his phone.

"Put it on speaker. We won't talk." Hotch said.

Spencer nodded and with a shaking hand, hit the speaker button.

XXX

Derek woke with Regina already in front of him. She was sitting on the ground, legs crossed, with something shiny and black in her hands. Derek did a double take before speaking.

"Regina," He croaked. "Is that a gun?"

Regina held the thing up. "Yes, it is, Derek."

"Why do you have gun?"

Regina sighed with a small smile on her lips that didn't reach her eyes.

"Derek, you're stupid."

"What?"

"Why would I have a gun, Derek? Think."

Derek stared at her. "You won't kill me."

"Is that what you think?"

"It's what I know."

Regina shook her head. "No, I'm not going to kill you. Not now, at least." She reached around herself and pulled a long sharp knife off the ground. "These are to control you."

"What do you mean?"

"You've been acting out. I need to discipline you and show you that your actions can't go unpunished." Regina stood. "A rule: No talking about Spencer unless I speak directly to you about it."

"That rule is dumb-"

"I didn't ask your opinion."

"This plan wont work. I love Spencer."

Regina rested the blade on Derek's collarbone and took a swipe. Derek gritted his teeth and managed to not make a sound, but he grimaced harshly. There was a red hot heat in his shoulder and he could feel the wetness of his own blood skirting over him in multiple directions.

"You're a slow learner." Regina bent her head to a shorter trail of the blood and licked it. "But I'm okay with it."

She moved her mouth up and kissed his lips. Derek could taste his own copper essence there and turned his head away to avoid it. In doing so he saw a laptop and something else set up, that hadn't been there before. The laptop was on and it seemed to be on some type of screen saver where a little red line was criss-crossing all over the screen.

"What's that for?" He asked.

Regina stood and smiled wickedly at him.

"It's a laptop and phone."

"Phone?"

"Well, parts of a phone." Regina admitted. "Only what I need."

Derek's eyebrows furrowed. "For what?"

Regina smiled again, almost in glee.

"You wanna see?"

Derek just eyed her warily and Regina walked towards the devices. There was clacking noise and a few seconds later a beep.

"Ready?" She asked.

"For what?" But now Derek could hear a ringing sound coming out of the 'phone' that was on speaker.

Regina turned and looked at him, eyes flickering and a cold smile on her face.

"This is gonna be so much fun." She stated.

Derek eyes flew back and forth between the once-phone and Regina's face, studying him carefully. He realized suddenly that the red lines on the computer weren't a screen saver, they were Regina's work of bouncing the signal of the phone around and she had taken any trace of locating hardware out of the phone.

Suddenly this line on the other end picked up and Regina's smile grew before the sound of a shaky and weak voice answered.

"H-hello?"

Derek felt sick to his stomach.

It was Spencer.

* * *

><p><strong>Ahhhhh! Cliffhanger! Oh no!<strong>

**Sorry about that but it had to be done :D**

**Don't forget to show your love!**

**Love always! Xoxoxo**


	4. Chapter 4: You Gave Your All

**Hey you all! Thank you so much for your support through this whole thing!**

**I'm pretty friggen proud of how this chapter turned out, but it's mostly dialogue, seeing as they're on the phone. I just thought I should warn you :P**

**Hope you like it as much as me!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter four:<strong>

All Derek could do was stare at Regina while she stared back at him. She had this glint in her eye, one that made Derek assume this was going to get a whole lot worse.

"Hello, Spencer." Regina answered the shaky voice on the other side of the phone. Derek almost wished Spencer would hang up or the call would be lost or intercepted so that Spencer wasn't put through this.

"W-who is this?" Spencer asked, sounding almost regretful.

Regina laughed sharply. "You think I'm dumb enough to tell you my name? I may not be a genius like you, but I'm not stupid."

"I didn't think you were." Spencer cleared his throat. "Are… Are you with Derek?"

"Oh, yes. He's right here. Say 'Hi', baby." Regina eyes were challenging.

Derek opened his mouth, but no sound came out. This was sick and wrong.

"Say my name and you die." Regina threatened.

"D-Derek?" Spencer asked after a too long silence. He could hear the concern and fear in his lover's voice and it was heartbreaking.

"I'm here, Spence." Derek croaked. He heard a faint gasp but it almost sounded too feminine to be Spencer's. Derek wondered if the whole team was listening to this conversation on speaker. He glanced at Regina, but she didn't seem to have picked up on it.

"Oh god," Spencer breathed. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Derek reassured, though his voice was wary.

"Yes, he's quite happy. Aren't you, babe?" Regina cut in.

Derek didn't answer; he just stared at what used to be a regular phone, willing Spencer to say something else.

"How are you, Spence?" Derek asked.

"I'm… worried about you."

"No reason to." Regina sneered. "Derek's happy with me." She flashed Derek a smile before turning to the phone again. "I'm assuming your team came and got you, seeing as you were able to pick up your office phone."

"Yes, yes they got me."

"Was it embarrassing? Being tied up by a woman and left naked for your co-workers to see?"

Derek shut his eyes and swallowed hard. He had no idea she'd done that.

"Y-yes." Spencer confessed. "Yes, it was uncomfortable, but you drugged me. There wasn't much I could do." The words were not spoken confidently.

Regina scoffed. "Some warrior that makes you. Who found you? Hotch? Rossi? JJ? Emily? Garcia? Who?"

"Hotch and Emily." Spencer said weakly. "How do you know us?"

"You stupid boy, I know _everything_ about you guys. Especially you and Derek. I've done research."

"Oh," Was Spencer's reply.

"Derek tells me he loves you. Do you think that's true?"

"He knows it's true." Derek gritted.

"Shut up." Regina snapped, pointing her gun at him.

"Yes, I think he loves me."

"Well, you're wrong."

"He's not-"

"Shut _up_!" Regina rolled her eyes. "You know how I know, Spencer?"

"H-how?"

"Earlier today…" Regina began, casting a wicked glance at Derek.

"Don't," Derek said weakly. "Please."

"Derek and I…" She taunted.

"Please," Derek said louder. "He doesn't need to hear this. Please don't."

"Derek?" Came Spencer's voice, unsure.

"It's nothing, Spencer. She's delusional."

"Am I now?" Regina asked, cocking and eyebrow and smiling even wider.

"I'm begging you." Derek tried to plead with his eyes. "Don't."

"Derek, what's going on?" Spencer sounded a little frantic.

"Derek and I had sex earlier today." Regina said with triumph.

Derek hung his head. This was going to be bad.

"W-what?" Spencer spluttered.

"Yeah, still sure he loves you?" Regina asked. "He finished, too." Regina added. "He finished inside of me-"

"Stop." Derek begged.

"Derek? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, baby. Really."

"Shut up. You're better than fine. You _loved_ it."

"I didn't." Derek countered.

"How do you explain yourself then?"

"I told you, I was thinking of Spen-"

"Enough." Regina dismissed. "You can excuse it however you want, but _I_ know the truth."

"I love Spencer. Not you." Derek stated.

"You're lying."

"Derek," Came Spencer's voice again. "It's okay. I'm not mad."

"Baby, I-" Derek began

"No, really, it's fine. We're gonna get you out of there."

"Are you now? Wouldn't you rather Derek was happy with me than unhappy with you?"

"I was happy with _him_."

"Shut it, Derek. Look, Spencer, why don't you butt out before Derek has to confess that he doesn't love you?"

"I _do_ love him."

"Seriously, Derek, if you don't shut up…" Regina waved her gun about. She turned towards the phone again. "Do you know how disgusting you are? How filthy? Men aren't supposed to love men. It's unnatural and evil and you're just supporting it. Derek could have been happy with me, but you've brainwashed him with that giant IQ of yours into thinking he was happy. He's not by the way, but your influence has confused him greatly." She glanced at Derek briefly before continuing. "How could you think that way? How could you think it was alright to single yourself out like that?"

"A-actually, in the US alone there are-"

"8.8 million gays out of the closet, blah blah blah, Derek already informed me of that. But just because it's happening to others doesn't mean it's right. Millions of people have cancer, but that doesn't make it good or acceptable or natural, because that's exactly what this is; _unnatural._"

"You're wrong." Spencer said quietly.

"Am I? The bible says it's wrong."

"So is taking, drugging and raping somebody."

"It wasn't _rape_, and God is still against people like you."

"If God never intended people like us to be together, why would he create something like the prostate?" Derek could hear Spencer's interrogation tactics slip into his voice, but also a caution, as if the team were listening.

"What do you mean?"

"The male G-spot. It's located primarily through a man's anus. So why would God give us so much pleasure in that one spot if not so we could find it?"

Derek saw Regina's eyes narrow.

"Derek wouldn't know would he?"

"Excuse me?"

"Let me ask you something. Have you ever dominated Derek?"

"W-what are you asking?"

"Has Derek ever bottomed, _doctor?_" She sneered.

"N-no. Derek likes me to be the submissive in our sexual relationship."

"Ew." Regina stated before continuing. "I think it's curious that you don't even know what Derek wants."

"What are you implying?"

"Derek wants to be dominated. He's just been afraid to admit it since Carl Buford."

"No, Derek wants to be in control at all times to avoid painful memories."

"Not true." Regina sang.

"He's right." Derek affirmed. "I don't want that. Spencer would never make me do something I didn't want to. Spencer loves me too much and I him."

Regina whirled around and lowered her voiced dangerously.

"I'll _show_ him you don't love him."

XXX

The whole team was staring at Spencer in silence, none of them moving. Spencer was not only feeling uncomfortable because he had recently divulged a great deal of personal details but also worry. What had she meant?

The silence over the line was daunting and Spencer just wished Derek would say something. There was a scuffle kind of noise and the squeak of a chair being pushed backwards.

"Get away." Derek spoke.

"Stop moving, babe." Came the woman's voice.

"Stop," Derek begged.

"Derek?" Spencer asked, unsure. "Derek, what's going on?"

There was another short scuffle.

"Don't touch me!"

"Stop," The woman's voice was cold and then there was an audible click of a gun cocking.

"Derek?" Spencer breathed.

"Baby, hang up." Derek voice came rushed. "Do it now."

"You hang up and Derek's dead."

Spencer held his breath.

"I'll be fine," Derek amended. "Hang up, please. I don't want you to hear this."

"Hear what? What's she doing?"

"I'm gonna make your _boyfriend_ feel good." There was a funny sound, like fabric and then a suck of breath.

"Stop," Derek's voice was weak.

"You know it's nice."

"I don't want this."

"Yes, you do."

"Derek, listen to me." Spencer bit his lip. "Whatever she's doing; just let her. Think of me, baby. It's me, okay?"

"Spencer," Derek choked.

Spencer moved his body so that his back was to the team and moved closer to the mic so he could lower his voice. He didn't want them to hear this.

"It's me. I'm here, baby."

"I love you." Derek sobbed.

"I love you more, Derek." Spencer kept his voice steady. Derek needed him to.

"I don't want this."

"I know, but it's my hands. Mine."

"Spencer, please."

"Shut up, you two." The woman spoke. "Or it'll be worse."

"No. No, stop. Stop, please!"

"Derek? I'm here."

There was a gasp and a grunt of agony and then a humming noise.

"Oh god, stop!"

The noise did stop, but then started again.

"Mmmph. No." Derek choked.

There was a few moments silence and then Derek's voice came again.

"Is it your mouth?"

"P-pardon?"

"Is it your mouth as well?"

Spencer turned his head away from the receiver and shut his eyes, trying to bore the images out and get a grip.

"Yeah, baby. That's me."

Derek sobbed.

"It's all me. That's me, Spencer."

"Make it stop."

It was Spencer's turn for the tears to flow, and once they began, they seemed endless.

"I can't, Derek. But it'll be fine. It's all fine." Spencer kept his voice relatively calm although his face was streaked with silent tears. "It's your pretty boy doing that. Me." Spencer jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Garcia and Emily was at her side. No matter what, they were going to hear.

"I want it to be you so badly." Came Derek's broken voice.

"It is me, baby." Spencer sniffed and gave up trying to keep quiet. "My hands, my mouth." The hand on his shoulder tightened. "I'm doing it because I love you, Derek. I need you."

"You need me?"

"Always. Who else will protect me?"

The humming noise returned and Spencer had to clap a hand over his mouth to keep from yelling out in frustration when Derek gasped and then whined. It wasn't a happy sound and Spencer didn't want to picture the woman doing what Derek implied she was.

"Stay calm. It's almost done. Just relax. The sooner you relax, the faster it's over."

"I don't want to do this."

"I know, but do it for me. Release for me."

"I c-can't."

"You can. That's me remember?"

"S-Spencer?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you more than anything."

There was a low groan and Spencer bit his lip hard and closed his eyes. He couldn't do it; wouldn't picture it.

His brain was disagreeing, though, and he had to wrench out of Garcia's grasp and walk down the isle and back again fisting his hair. Once he was back he took a deep shuddering breath.

"You did great, babe."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"Yeah, don't be." Came the woman's voice. "You wanted that."

"You've destroyed me." Derek whispered so low that Spencer had to run it over in his head thee times before understanding what was said. "What more do you want?"

"Say it."

"Say what?"

"Say you love me."

"I don't-"

"You _do._ Now say it before I shoot you."

"But I don't-"

"I just gave you _head_, Derek. Do you know how nasty that is? Just admit you love me."

There was a silence. A long and tense silence.

"Say it, Derek." Spencer spoke.

"W-what?"

"Say it. You obviously mean it, just say it."

"But I-"

"She just got you off, Derek You can't deny her anymore. Just tell her."

There was another silence, shorter this time, and he knew that Derek understood what Spencer was doing.

"I love you."

"Do you?" The woman's voice was dripping with triumph. "How do you prove it?"

"I… I don't love Spencer. I don't like men. I love you."

"Ha! I knew it!"

"You were right." Derek continued, but he sounded jaded. "I want you, now. Not him."

"Hear that, doctor?"

"I do." Spencer said, tears still running freely. "He's yours now. We'll call off the search. Goodbye, Derek."

"Bye, Spencer." Derek said blandly.

"Bye!" The woman's voice was peppy and ecstatic.

And then the line went dead.

* * *

><p><strong>Ahh! So intense!<strong>

**You guys are what make me do this so keep being awesome in general!**

**Love always! Xoxoxo**


	5. Chapter 5: As Your Brain Unwinds

**Hey, sorry for the hold up but I now have dance classes on top of school and such :P**

**I had to re-write a lot of this chapter but I like the way it eventually turned out :)**

**Most of you who are reading this know it's slash but I happened to offend some people I guess so I had to add a slash warning to the end of my description. Apparently "splitting the two boys up" wasn't a good enough indication of slash lol but whatevs I roll with the punches :D so sorry if I **_**did**_** offend anyone.**

**Here we go!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Five:<strong>

Spencer stood there for a long time, just staring at the phone. Eventually he reached out a tentative finger and hit the 'end' button.

"Spencer?" Came Garcia's voice after a moment.

Spencer looked up to acknowledge he heard her.

"We're not really calling off the search now, right?"

"No," Spencer answered looking down again. "No, we're not." He paused a few moments before speaking again. "I'm guessing you couldn't trace the call?"

"No, there was some weird-"

"That's okay." Spencer cut her off. He turned around and – as he expected - the rest of the team was still standing there looking at him. He quickly rubbed his eyes, even though he knew it was no use; his eyes got very puffy and red when he cried and there was no way they wouldn't be able to see it.

"Reid…" Hotch started cautiously.

"Yes?"

"Do you need to go home?"

"What are you saying?"

"Do you need time away from the office?"

"What? No!" Spencer shook his head, looking distraught. "What if my phone rings again? I'm not leaving. I'm fine."

"No one would think any less of you-"

"Any _less _of me? No offence, Hotch, but I don't really give a damn what you guys think of me right now! I need to find Derek before that physco bitch touches him again!"

At his words, Garcia put a comforting hand on his shoulder. They had all heard the crack in his voice when he said 'touches' and he felt more moisture in his eyes out of frustration.

"We need to keep cool heads about this, Reid." Hotch said quietly.

"You think I don't know that? I don't care how long it takes and I don't care if Strauss fires me!"

"No one's going to fire you, but Derek needs you to keep calm."

"What Derek _needs_ is to be found! He's my _lover,_ Hotch! My lover! And I need him to come home-" Spencer couldn't finish his sentence because he ended up choking on the last word.

"Spencer," The unit chief said, surprising the young agent with the use of his first name. "We're going to find him."

Spencer just nodded and looked to Garcia, who guided him gently in the direction of her lair. He let himself go, just needing to stop staring the other profilers in the face. He didn't realize that they were in Garcia's office until she pushed him into one of her chairs.

"Am I jaded?" He asked, suddenly.

"Pardon?"

"I mean I just talked my boyfriend through his release in the mouth of another woman. Does that mean I have no feeling left?"

"Spencer," Garcia closed her eyes briefly and grimaced at his choice of words but then continued, unfazed. "You're sitting here, in tears, upset for Derek. That's the farthest thing from jaded as I know."

"But I-"

"Did exactly what Derek would have done for you. And don't forget it." Garcia finished his sentence.

There was a silence in which Spencer couldn't meet the blonde's eyes.

"What if… everything's changed?"

"What do you mean, baby?"

"He'll come back different, Garcia. He'll come back damaged." Spencer put his head in his hands. "God, making love was hard enough when we were only dealing with Carl." Spencer could feel his lip trembling.

"Spencer, you've been there for him through anything imaginable. No, he won't be exactly the same, but every case changes you two anyways. The only reason you've made it this far is because you both work so hard at the relationship. If one of you changes the other shifts to accommodate, some changes are bigger than others, but they all make your bond stronger."

Spencer lifted his head and Garcia rubbed his shoulder before continuing.

"Derek will be working just as hard to make it right again, and you _will_ pull through in the end. You always do."

"Thank you." Spencer mumbled.

"I love you, baby."

"I love you, too."

Garcia let the silence resume for a few more minutes before speaking up.

"I'm going to continue working. Do you want to stay? I can make sure that we're aware of any calls to your line."

Spencer nodded dully and Garcia hugged him.

"We'll make this right, hun, we always do."

XXX

Derek just stared empty eyed at Regina.

"I'm so glad you saw what I saw, baby."

Derek continued to stare.

"This will be easier now that you've admitted it."

"What will be easier?" Derek asked dully.

Regina giggled almost shyly. "I won't need to hurt you anymore."

Derek slowly nodded his head. "Then untie me."

"No," Regina answered simply.

"Why?"

"Why would I need to?"

Derek just shrugged. He felt defeated and ill and he just didn't have the emotional energy to bargain anything.

"I told you." She smiled.

"I guess." Derek shrugged.

"No, I did."

Derek sighed. "Yes. Yes, you did."

"You seem tired, baby. Are you always so exhausted after sex?"

Derek felt his jaw clench and anger rolling through his back. "No, not normally." He paused to huff out his nose. "But normally there isn't such emotional stress."

"What emotional stress are you under?" Regina asked, frowning.

Derek took a deep breath. "Look, can I just be alone for a bit?"

"No," Regina took a step forward. "What emotional stress are you under?"

Derek had to bite his lips together for a moment. "It's nothing."

"Tell. Me. Now."

"I didn't mean anything by it. It just…" Derek tried to find the wording. "I haven't been with a woman in a while."

"Ew." Regina said offhanded way. She waited for Derek to say something, but when he didn't, she continued. "It was best you cut all contact anyways. Make it a clean break."

"A clean break?"

"Yeah, you know, just leave him be. Let him get through it himself."

"Are you… kidding me? You just… I mean we… just did things over the phone. And you think he'll just let it go?"

"He should, shouldn't he? I mean soon he'll realize that men aren't supposed to be with men, and he'll meet some girl and be as happy as you are."

"Right." Derek stated. He knew that Spencer was still coming for him; knew that he wouldn't rest until he found Derek, dead or alive, but that didn't make the waiting any easier.

"Some people just can't see when others don't love them." Regina said sympathetically.

Derek had to use all of his remaining strength to not laugh in Regina's face, how ignorantly hypocritical.

"It's pathetic, really." She continued. "They just make themselves look like fools."

"Yeah," Derek shook his head in wonderment. "It's sad."

"Luckily that's not our case is it, honey?"

Derek shook his head. "No. Luckily it's not."

"Are you hungry?" Regina asked. "Thirsty?"

"No," In truth, Derek was, but for some reason he didn't want his energy to be wasted on eating. He needed to plan and a good one.

Regina nodded and walked towards a different corner. "Okay, well if you need anything, I'll be over here. Just shout."

Derek nodded and watched her pick something off a counter before turning her back to him completely. Her elbows were moving and he really didn't know what the thing was, but it didn't bother him in the slightest.

He needed to get out of here.

XXX

It was late that night when Spencer was shaken awake.

"Spence, baby," It was JJ. "You need to go home. Get some rest."

Spencer shook his head. "No, no I'm staying here." He mumbled through a sleepy haze.

"There's nothing you can do here."

"I need to stay by the phone." Spencer whined.

"Spencer, seriously."

"What time is it?" He asked, ignoring JJ's question.

She sighed and checked her watch. "Nearly one AM."

"Wow," Spencer sat up and stared at the floor. "It been almost twenty four hours since he was taken."

"Don't think about it like that, Spence."

Spencer looked around the little room. "Where's Garcia?"

"She didn't want to wake you so she moved her laptop to the conference room. She's working from there."

Spencer nodded. "Anything new?"

JJ just shook her head. "I would've told you if there was. But really, you should go home. There's nothing you can do here."

Spencer shook his head. "No, no that won't do. I need to be here."

"Derek would've hated it if you-"

"JJ, I love you to death, but I don't really think in a situation like this you should be telling me what Derek would or wouldn't want, thanks." Spencer said bitterly. "Sorry," He mumbled after seeing her somewhat surprised but mainly sympathetic look.

"No," JJ straightened up. "No, you're right. I can't imagine if Will or Henry were taken. But I know for sure that I wouldn't want people telling me what to do."

"Thank you," Spencer smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes.

JJ thought for a moment. "Come with me, we can make you a 'bed' in the conference room with Garcia, then you can stay and sleep but still be involved if anything should happen."

Spencer nodded. "Okay."

He followed JJ out of the lair and through the bullpen. When he saw Prentiss sitting at her desk he half expected to see Derek sitting there as well, and he felt his heart sink a little lower in his chest when he made that mistake. Through the window, he could see the rain falling outside. It seemed almost too cliché and Spencer wished Derek were there to share the situation with.

"How are you holding up?" Prentiss asked as he approached. There was a look of sadness and apprehension on her face.

"I'm better now, thanks."

Prentiss nodded and gave him a small smile to which he tried his best to return. When they got into the conference room, Garcia was sitting with her laptop in front of her on the table, staring at the large monitor on the wall that had some sort of binary code running on it, which Spencer didn't feel like wasting his time trying to figure out. The techie was nursing a steaming cup of tea and humming to herself.

"Hey Garcia."

The blonde whirled around in her seat to face them.

"Hey, genius!" She exclaimed, though she seemed cautious. Spencer hated that they were all treating him like a fragile rose petal.

"Spencer is gonna make the couch up and get some rest here, is that okay?"

"Yeah, that's fine." Garcia smiled.

"Can I get you anything?" JJ asked Spencer.

"Tea would be great." He smiled appreciatively.

JJ walked out just as Hotch walked in.

"Alright there, Reid?"

"Better, Hotch. Thanks."

"What are you doing?"

"Spencer's going to sleep in here while I keep running this stuff." Garcia spoke for him and Spencer was grateful, he really didn't have the energy to make sure everyone was in the loop about his rest.

"Good. That's good. You'll let us know if you have anything?"

"But of course, sir."

"Thanks, Garcia."

There was a silence between Spencer and Garcia for a long time. Eventually, JJ came back into he room carrying a mug for Spencer. He nodded his thanks and they were left alone again. Once Spencer sat on one of the chairs, Garcia spoke.

"All right, let it out."

"Let what out?"

"Please, please, _please_ Dr. Reid, do _not_ play coy with me."

Spencer sipped from the mug. "I don't know what you're saying."

"Baby, ever since Derek's been taken, you've been scared shitless of showing anyone that you might be too emotionally involved. I get it; we all do, but no matter how many times those profilers tell you that you can talk to them, you won't. Me? I'm not a profiler, so if you have anything to say – and I know you do – please tell me. I don't want you bottling it all up inside until it eats you alive."

Spencer sighed.

"I… I keep forgetting, you know? I mean Derek's gone, and I feel as if he's still here. I feel as if this is just another case. I know it's not but…" Spencer tried to control the swell of emotion; he really did, but it seemed as though he was made of tears now.

"There you go, baby boy. Let it out."

"God," Spencer furiously wiped his eyes. "He needs me now almost as much as when we were first getting over his demons about Carl, and all I can do is sit around and cry..."

"Spencer, you're dealing with some pretty rough stuff. What happened over the phone-"

"I really would rather not talk about that." He sniffled and then laughed pathetically. "Between that conversation and all the stuff that's been pouring out of my mouth, you guys now have a petty clear image of our sex life don't you?

Garcia stared at Spencer for a long time. He looked so weak and vulnerable.

"You know, we've only heard the bad bits…"

"What?"

"Tell me what you like most about Derek."

"I don't understand…"

"All day, you've been reminded of the worst parts of your relationship and you can't get that awful image of Derek out of your mind, I know you can't." Garcia smiled. "Why don't you tell me your favorite things about Derek?"

"No, Garcia. I'm sorry, but I can't just talk about it like nothing's wrong."

"Okay," Garcia shrugged. "That's fine. Just offering."

There was a tense silence and Spencer found himself wanting to laugh at the way Garcia had set him up. She was just begging for him to just admit it, but he wasn't so naïve, he'd prove it.

But Spencer found his mind wandering towards the question. What were his favorite things about Derek?

"The morning after." Spencer almost clapped a hand over his mouth in realization that he had just said that out loud.

"Pardon?" Garcia played dumb, but now it was out, Spencer _wanted_ to continue.

"The morning after, uh… after we… have sex." Spencer blushed furiously. "He keeps me wrapped up in his arms and he smells like…." Spencer didn't know how to describe it. "Well, like sex." They both laughed. "But, better. Like _man,_ like a real man. It's a musky and sweet smell."

Garcia smiled. "Go on."

"He always just nuzzles my face and looks like the richest, happiest man in the world. He calls me pet names and whispers in my ear, and it's just such a content feeling that it gives me butterflies just thinking about it."

"Aw, baby. That's so great. What else?"

"I like when he holds my hand in public or really any show of PDA. It makes me feel not so weird or uncomfortable in my own skin you know?"

Garcia nodded and sipped her tea.

"He takes showers with me." Spencer almost whispered.

Garcia squealed and laughed.

Brought up by her reaction, Spencer continued more forwardly.

"I love when he does that. I'll just be in the shower by myself and he'll come in. He likes to wash my hair." Spencer blushed again.

"Who wouldn't?" Garcia chimed in and Spencer grinned.

"And sometimes, he'll just smile at me and I can't help but swoon." Spencer's grin increased and looked slightly high.

"You are _so_ cute!"

"He's just the perfect guy! So caring and gentle and _never_ pressures me into doing something I don't want too. He's funny and worships me like some sort of Greek God!" Garcia could see how wrapped up Spencer was.

"And his body." She prompted.

"Oh God!" Spencer's hands flew to his face and his whole face seemed to be cracking from his smile. "It's unnatural! So perfect! Anytime I see him at home with his shirt off I can't help myself! I just…" Spencer trailed of, seemingly lost for words.

"Jump his bones?" Garcia asked, innocently.

"Yes! I just can't stop my hands and - wait."

Spencer stopped and stared at Garcia and watched the grin spread slowly through her features.

"You tricked me into saying that!"

Garcia squealed. "Oh that is just delicious!"

"Oh no," Spencer groaned.

"Oh yes, my sex-god genius. I now have multiple excellent images of you two hotties doing the nasty all up in this wicked mind of mine."

"I hate you."

"Never, pumpkin." She smiled. "Now, go to bed will you?"

Spencer grinned. He really couldn't be mad at her.

"Okay, fine." He stood and walked towards the tiny couch.

"Night, sweetums."

"Night, Garcia." Spencer lay down. "And thanks."

"Any time you want to tell me more I'm waiting." Garcia teased.

"Don't you have work to be doing?" Spencer grinned.

"Bossy,"

Spencer closed his eyes, smile still in place. And he fell asleep with wonderful and happy thoughts of Derek.

* * *

><p><strong>There you go! Good? You like the last bit with Garcia and Spencer? Because that was <strong>_**so**_** much fun to write!**

**Tell me what you thought! (or not, it's your life, do with it what you will :P)**

**Love always! Xoxoxo**


	6. Chapter 6: Gonna Make You Sick

**So sorry for the late update but it's up now! (Obviously lol)**

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><p><strong>Chapter Six<strong>

When Derek opened his eyes again it was apparent that it was morning. There was light streaming through cracks between the posts that made up the large shed. Regina was sitting with her back against a wall near to him, a bottle of water at her feet.

"Hey, babe. Good sleep?"

Derek nodded, his throat having gone dry from the sight of water.

Regina smiled and stood, opening the bottle. "Thirsty?"

Derek nodded again.

Regina held the bottle to his lips and Derek drank deep.

"Thanks," He rasped when he had finished. He waited a moment. "I need to go to the bathroom."

Regina's eyes darted sideways and her brow furrowed as if she hadn't thought about that need before.

"Okay," She said hesitantly. "We'll use the back door." The last was added almost to herself. Her hands were steady as she undid the straps on his wrists but she still looked as if she were unsure. Derek didn't move when he was release, merely sat and rubbed his sore wrists.

"Can I stand?" He asked.

Regina nodded.

Almost every muscle in Derek's body seemed to scream in protest and agony as he stood and so he made a point of stretching his hands over his head in order to perhaps break the strain. He could feel and hear the joints in his back cracking.

Regina held out her hand and Derek took it. She led them towards another door, which had been behind Derek and opened it.

They were facing a forest and basically nothing else. Derek imagined that Regina's house or a road was through the other door and that was probably why she took him back here. It seemed strange that she was so convinced he was in love with her but she still didn't trust him.

"Just go behind that bush." She said pointing to a low rising shrub about five feet from them.

Derek nodded and moved behind it to relieve himself. He was still only wearing boxers and was pretty cold but he didn't complain as he went back to where Regina stood and smiled at him.

"Better?"

Derek nodded again.

They walked back to the shed, which looked a lot smaller on the outside than on the inside. Regina turned to him as they got to the doors.

"I'm sorry, but I still have to tie you up."

"Why?" Derek asked, concerned for his already red wrists.

Regina shrugged. "I would love to be able to trust you, Derek, but I still feel like you have feelings for Spencer." Regina grimaced when she said his name.

Derek shook his head, "I don't; you know I don't."

"That's just what it feels like." Regina opened the doors back up and led Derek back to the chair. It was still warm when he sat down even though the air was brisk. He winced while she began to strap him back up; the bonds seemed to be digging even further into his wrists.

"What do I have to do to gain your trust? I swear." It made Derek almost sick to his stomach for saying these things, but he would do anything to have some chance at getting out of here.

Regina bent down to look him straight in the eye. She seemed to be searching for something and after a while a grin broke her neutral face.

"Prove it."

"How?"

"But not just to me." Regina continued as if she hadn't heard him. "To Spencer as well." She eyed the phone.

"What? I already told him I love you, now."

Regina shook her head, grin never breaking. "Last call you were speaking to Spencer as if you didn't want it, in order to not hurt his feelings." Regina waited for a second, searching again, before continuing. "Show him, now. Show him that you really are enjoying what we're doing."

It took Derek maybe a second longer than it should have for the reality of what Regina was saying to sink in and his eyes widened exponentially.

"W-what? No. I c-can't."

"Why not?"

Derek shook his head frantically. "No. Like you said, it's better to give him a clean break. Let's not make it too hard on him."

"What are you afraid of?"

"N-nothing! But I don't think it's fair-"

"Who cares about fair?" Regina snapped. "Nothings fair! And he should endure the punishment for tempting you with his body, no?"

Derek was stunned. He couldn't do this. "I-I just think that maybe…"

"Maybe, what? Maybe you don't love me?"

Derek took a deep, rattling breath. "No, no I do."

"Well, then," Regina smiled and stood up straight. "Prove it." And she moved towards the phone.

XXX

Spencer woke cramped and sore on the tiny couch. His dreams had consisted of a very hot and very happy Derek Morgan and for a moment he forgot where he was and why he was there and there was a moment of peace.

It vanished almost instantly.

He moved to push himself upwards but he found that his bandaged wrists couldn't support his weight and had to resort to his stomach muscles (which were extremely stiff from struggling) and his elbows. He groaned when he was finally upright because there was a serious amount of blood rushing from his head.

"Morning, pumpkin pie." Came Garcia's voice behind him.

Spencer turned to look at her and saw that she was basically right where he'd left her but with a new mug in her hands.

"Have you been up all night?" he asked, concerned.

"What? Oh, no. Don't be ridiculous. You're looking at the queen of power naps."

"Pardon?" Spencer asked, his head still had little blood in it.

"When you went to bed I had a twenty minute nap and then another two hours later and another two hours after that. Between those and the coffee, I'm set for the day." She stated happily, taking a hefty gulp from her cup and then smiling warmly.

"What time is it?"

"Seven, my love dove."

"Love dove? That's new."

"Don't think I've gone and forgotten all that you told me last night, or this morning or whatever."

Spencer groaned remembering the corner he'd backed himself into.

"Damn." He muttered.

"More like _hot_ damn!" Garcia laughed. "You two should have a gay talk show! It'd be so sexy!"

"Garcia, please," Spencer stood. "Save me my sanity and try _not_ to talk about it." He walked towards her nodding at the laptop. "Have you got anything yet?"

"Unfortunately, not yet. Some of the case files we worked had been sealed and some of the victims didn't want their photo taken for stalker reasons and such." Garcia flourished her hand and put her coffee down, setting both hands on the keys and clacking away. "So, I had to talk to one of our superiors who had to talk to the guys in archives who had taken those files off the computer and stored it in some box. The bad news is: they lost them." Spencer thought he heard the word 'idiots' follow that sentiment but he couldn't be sure. "The good news is: everyone is looking for them and we should have the files up and on this here screen in no less than three hours."

Spencer rubbed his eyes. "This all seems very complicated."

"Don't' worry your pretty little head about it doctor, I've got it all under control."

"Thanks,"

"Just let me know how hot the reunion sex is."

"Garcia…"

"It was an order, not a request."

Spencer rolled his eyes and headed to the break room for some coffee. He saw that Prentiss was asleep at her desk and that Hotch had nodded off on his couch. He found both Rossi and JJ in the break room.

"Morning," He said, trying to sound as best he could.

"Morning," Rossi acknowledged before letting his eyes drop to the bandages on Spencer's wrists.

"Hey, Spence. Garcia got anything?"

"No," Spencer sighed picking up his mug, which had been cleaned by someone. _Probably JJ. _He thought to himself and began pouring his coffee.

"Don't worry," JJ assured. "We'll find…" But her words dropped off at the sound of a phone ringing; a phone from the bullpen.

Spencer's phone.

Spencer's eyes grew wide and he was out of the break room before the call of "Spencer!" from Garcia reached him.

Prentiss had more than likely been startled awake as her eyes were half-lidded and unfocused when Spencer flew to his desk, Garcia getting there at the exact same time.

He stared at the phone as it rung again. He didn't want to pick it up. He wanted to hear Derek but not while he was with her.

_Derek needs you._

"Spencer? Answer it." Garcia pushed, anxious.

"I-I…" Spencer looked at her and Garcia nodded.

"Now, baby."

He took a deep shuddering breath, calming his nerves, before hitting the speaker button.

"Spencer Reid." He answered.

"Hello, Spencer!" Came the same woman's voice as before.

"Who is this?" Spencer asked, trying to sound casual. He needed to pretend that he was over Derek.

There was a giggle over the phone. "Who do you think?"

Spencer waited as if he _were,_ in fact, thinking.

"Is this Derek's new girlfriend?"

"Hit the nail on the head."

"How is Derek?" Spencer tried to keep the eagerness out of his voice.

"Oh, he's just excellent. Aren't you, babe?"

"Great," Came a rasped voice.

"Oh, Derek. You're there, are you?" Spencer asked nonchalantly.

"Hey, Spence."

Spencer bit his lip. "Hi,"

"H-how are you?"

"I'm fine."

"Any new cases?"

Spencer smiled almost to himself. "Not thus far, but I'm sure there will be soon."

The woman's voice came back on the line. "Have you recognized the error in your ways?" She asked.

Spencer faltered a second. "Y-yes, I think I have."

"You should never tempt people with sexual acts, Spencer. It makes your sole filthy."

"I suppose you're right." Spencer tried not to choke. "Why was it you called?"

"Oh, yes! I almost forgot! Derek wanted to prove his love to me."

"Pardon?"

"She wanted me to-" Derek began.

"_You_ wanted to, baby." Regina corrected. "He wanted to prove to both you and me that he was unmistakably in love with me."

"How were you going to do that?"

"Derek was thinking a more intimate replay of last time."

"M-more intimate? What are you referring to?" Spencer knew exactly what Regina was speaking of, but he really didn't want to assume at this point.

"We are going to have sex." Regina stated. "Over the phone."

Spencer felt Garcia's hand wind it's finger into his.

"I'm not really sure if I want that." Spencer frowned. "I think it would be uncomfortable for both me and Derek considering our previous commitments."

"That's gross. Please keep that to yourself." The hand holding Spencer's tightened out of what Spencer guessed was anger. "And anyways, Derek won't feel uncomfortable, and you shouldn't either if you're really over him."

"I am, but I still think-"

"Spencer, I know that you no longer have romantic feelings for Derek but he's still your friend and you really wouldn't want him to get hurt, would you?"

"No, but-"

"Please, Spence." It was Derek's voice. The tone of it seemed resolved as if he were just trying to keep Regina happy, but there was an actual plead there. Derek _wanted_ Spencer to listen. He didn't want to be alone.

Spencer glanced around the room. The whole team was there now, and he really didn't want this to happen in front of them, so he picked up the receiver so that the speakerphone shut off. He kept his hand tightly clasped with Garcia for support and sat down.

"Alright, I'll listen."

"Good,"

There were footsteps and a chair being moved and Spencer immediately shut his eyes when he heard the first sound of cloth move as if the images would go away, even though they intensified. Spencer resorted to listening to Hotch and Rossi's hushed voices.

"She's definitely a psychopath but why is she acting on sadism? She's not really getting any sexual gratification out of it. Well, at least not from Spencer's discomfort, so what's the point of making him do this?"

Spencer knew he shouldn't be listening to the conversation but he really was trying to focus his mind away from what sounded like a condom package ripping.

"She's proving a point. She really believes that homosexuality is extremely wrong, so maybe she's trying to justify splitting them? Trying to ensure they're both okay with it?"

"But there's definitely part of this she enjoys… Like she's getting some sort of revenge."

Spencer was brought back to the phone when he heard a sort of gasp. He couldn't distinguish who it was, but he wasn't particularly interested in finding out.

"You there, Spence?" Came Derek's voice, somewhat strained.

"I'm here."

The noises that followed were strange but ultimately held very realistic images. He wanted nothing more than to comfort Derek but they couldn't blow their cover.

It was a very long fifteen minutes. Spencer counted every second and millisecond of it to keep his brain occupied. He was trying, with all his ability, to get the woman's moans and words out of his head, but with an eidetic memory, the chance was unlikely at best.

He pulled the phone away from his ear when he felt the end was coming, he didn't want to hear whatever was going on. He counted to thirty before putting the phone back.

There were more distinct movement sounds, but he knew he had avoided the right moment. He waited before the woman's voice came again. It sounded more upbeat and cheery now.

"You still there, Spencer?"

"Yes," Spencer answered, surprising himself with his lucid voice.

"That went very well, I'd say."

"Good," Spencer answered again.

"Maybe one day we'll meet, Spencer."

"I'd like that."

"Okay, well, goodbye for now! Say goodbye Derek."

"Goodbye, Spencer."

Spencer bit his lip and chewed as his eyes filled with tears, but he took a deep breath and swallowed the lump.

"Goodbye, Derek."

The other end went dead and Spencer sat for a moment. He put the receiver down and stood slowly. All it took was for him to make eye contact with Garcia, and it was a moot point.

The first tear fell on his way to the bathroom.

XXX

Regina turned to Derek with a smile on her face.

"How are you feeling?"

"Great." Derek lied miserably.

"Can I do anything for you?"

Derek thought for a few moments before answering.

"You know, I'm really starting to get hungry." Derek lied again. The truth was, Derek was sure if he put anything in his stomach he was more than likely to throw it up.

"Oh, okay." Regina smiled. "Want anything in particular?"

Derek shook his head. "No, whatever is fine."

Regina nodded. She bent and kissed his head and turned towards the door.

"I'll be back soon."

"See you then,"

Derek watched the door of the shed close, and sat for a moment in silence, then glanced at the phone.

He had to try to call back.

* * *

><p><strong>It's getting good now! I think there will be at least three more chapters (I believe) just for a heads up.<strong>

**Hope you liked it lots! Please give your thoughts and all that :D**

**Love always! Xoxoxo**

**Seriously, I'm not making that up :P**


	7. Chapter 7: You'd Better Get Out Quick

**Hey, so really awesome premier last night eh? :P**

**Apparently, for this fic, I've made Garcia Spencer's official mentor, that just somehow manifested :P**

**Hope you like this!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Seven:<strong>

Derek felt awkward sitting there with his chin outstretched, pressing random parts of the mangled phone, trying to get it to redial the previous number. When Regina had worked it, she had pressed a single button and so Derek was sure that it had been rerouted to specifically Spencer's work phone, he just didn't know how to make it do the same thing again.

He had been working at it for about three minutes not to mention the full minute it took to hop his chair over. Now he felt exhausted, even with the small amount of energy it took to do this.

_Should have eaten before._ Derek thought grimly.

He spun the phone around using his chin to get better access to the other side. He began think about how funny this would be if Spencer had been the one to tie him up. How different the situation would seem. He could just imagine Spencer smirking and laughing as Derek tried to work a phone with his chin. The smile that had grown faltered.

Spencer.

This whole thing was unfair to him. How were they going to get past this? Even though Derek was putting his brave face on, he knew that once he was safe and home, a dam would break and all of a sudden he would be damaged and wounded again. He could only take so much sexual abuse and this was going to cut deep.

How could he make this right again? If only he could speak with Spencer, If only he could work this phone out.

Derek hit a button to the left of the phone and suddenly it was ringing.

It was _ringing_.

XXX

Spencer splashed water on his face and looked at the reflection in the mirror. His eyes were swollen again. The amount he had been crying the past few days seemed ridiculous. Almost unnecessary.

Spencer heard the door to the bathroom open and turned. A hesitant Garcia standing there, twiddling her thumbs and looking worried.

"Garcia, this is the boys bathroom!" Spencer pointed out, frustrated. It bothered him more that Garcia saw him like this rather than the fact she was in the wrong room.

"I know. I know." Garcia bit her lip. "I just thought I should come talk to you."

"Look," Said Spencer, furiously wiping at his eyes. "I really appreciate you being there for me and all, but I think it would be better if I was left alone right now."

"I know, and I completely understand, but Spencer, this is happening to all of us. And I know that it's not hitting us as hard as you, but we all need to stick together. Derek is so important to us all and you're pushing us away even when we're reaching out to help. I feel like you're denying the support we're trying to offer you."

Spencer paused and thought for a while. Yes, he was denying the support because he hated the team seeing him like this; out of control and emotionally raw. It made him feel like more of a kid than he already was. He didn't want to be babied and he certainly didn't want people questioning whether he was able to do this job or not.

Spencer simply nodded, not wanting to go into any detail of why.

"Just let us be there for you." Garcia took Spencer's hand. "We _want_ to be there for you."

Spencer sniffled and wiped his eyes again. "I just don't want people thinking I'm unable to work this case; that I'm unable to keep a cool head. But look at me! I'm falling apart at every turn."

"Baby, no one is questioning your ability. We can only imagine what you're going through, and we honestly just want to offer help."

Spencer shrugged. "I know that." I just wish I was stronger than this."

"Strength is now measured by your concern for loved ones, honey. It simply isn't"

Spencer smiled slightly. "Thank you," He said after a while.

Garcia smiled genuinely and then the doors opened again and a man from another team walked in. He paused briefly and looked between the well-known tech analyst and Spencer's red eyes before walking into a stall.

Garcia giggled briefly before leading Spencer out of the bathroom by the hand. They were barely to the bullpen when Prentiss ran towards them.

"Spencer! The phone!"

Spencer was out of Garcia's grasp and beside his phone in three seconds flat. He wasn't at all hesitant in pushing the speaker button this time.

"Hello?" He asked, out of breath.

There was a sigh on the other end of the line, it was almost relieved.

"Spencer,"

"Derek? Derek are you okay?"

"Fine," Derek sighed. "Now listen to me. Regina's not here right now but I don't know when she'll be back so we have to talk fast." His voice was raspy and tired.

Spencer felt the tears return. "Oh Derek. I miss you so bad!"

"I miss you more, baby, and I need you to know that none of what I said last time was true. I still love you more than anyone I've ever met and I want nothing more than to see you smiling again."

"Derek," Spencer said the name again because it felt so good. "I need you to be totally honest with me. No lying. Are you actually okay?"

"Seriously Spence-"

"No, Derek. Tell the truth." Spencer always knew when Derek was lying, so the older man seemed to decided against it.

There was a sigh. "She hit me a few times and I have a small cut on my shoulder, besides that, there's no other physical problems."

Spencer nodded. "Okay, what can you tell me about where you are? And did you say her name was Regina?"

"Yeah, she was from the Ralph Betton case in North Carolina. She was his final victim."

"Alright, and where are you?"

"In some sort of large tool shed or barn or something. We're in some type of forest I think."

Spencer bit his lip. "Anything else?"

"I think her house or where she lives is at least within ten minutes from here."

"Alright," Spencer glanced at Garcia who had already grabbed her laptop and was typing furiously. He was trying to think about what else Derek could tell him that would be useful.

"Hey," He said, getting an idea. "If you can remember, do you know if it was raining last night?" Spencer was having such a hard time keeping calm without breaking down.

"Yeah, actually it was. What does that mean?"

"If I'm right, that should mean you're not as far away as I thought. Garcia?" He asked the tech, who's head snapped up. "Can you check to see how far the rain spread last night?"

"Yes, absolutely."

"Garcia's there?"

"Hello, baby."

"Work some magic for me, goddess."

"Am doing, dark Hercules."

Spencer smiled at the pet name and that smile grew when he heard a tired but genuine chuckle.

"Oh god do I miss you." Spencer breathed.

"Baby, I've never wanted or needed you more than now."

"I feel the same." Spencer gulped. How could one person tear him up so badly?

"I need you to know that the whole time she… she…"

"Derek,"

"It was you… I thought of you, and I know that sounds weird but it's important to me that you know."

"I know, baby. And we're gonna get to you."

There was a sigh. "I j-just…" Derek broke off and Spencer could hear the sobs and suddenly they were both crying.

"I just need you to know how special you are, and how important you are to me."

"I know, Derek." Spencer sobbed. "You've changed me so much. You've helped me through everything; my addiction to Dilaudid and my abandonment issues and everything. I've never felt more safe or secure than when I'm with you."

"Spencer," Derek choked. "I-I'm not the same."

"I know, baby, but I'm going to get you through this. We're going to fix this."

"I don't know how I'm going to get through this." Derek sighed shakily. "This is so unfair to you." He mumbled.

"Me?" Spencer shook his head. "How is this unfair to _me?_"

"You've already done so much for me when it came to Carl and now you're going to have to fix this, and it's not fair. Maybe you're better off-"

"Stop. Stop there. I am _not_ giving up on this! I don't care if we never have sex again, I just need to be around you to stay happy." Spencer glanced at Garcia. "Someone told me that the reason that we can get through anything like this is because we're ever changing anyways. We change with each other to stay connected and so I'll change for you. However to shift, I'll be in step with you, baby. This isn't the end, it's a new beginning."

There was a short silence. "I love you."

"I love you more." Spencer laughed.

"Impossible," Derek muttered. "And tell Garcia she's to smart for her own good."

"It all in the hair," Garcia joked.

"You're amazing," Derek said in awe and it was obvious he was back to speaking to Spencer. "You're like some sort of angel."

Spencer snorted. "Derek, angles aren't the most lovable of creatures."

"They are to me, baby. You're perfect."

"If you weren't being held against your will I would argue my flaws." Spencer smiled sadly.

"What flaws? Everything from your perfect smelling hair to your long pretty fingers to your giant beautiful brain, I love it all."

"You're better. You're beautiful."

"Not right now." Derek joked.

"Bingo!" Shouted Garcia from the desk.

Spencer turned to see a pretty girls face staring back at him from the computer screen.

"Regina Reynolds." Garcia stated.

"That's her." Spencer confirmed. "That's the girl."

"I'll dig deep."

"You going to be there when they get me?" Derek asked, sounding exhausted.

"Of course I am."

"I don't think I could ever imagine loving someone this much."

"Like oxygen, right?"

"How'd you know?"

"It's the same for me, Derek."

"Well, I-"

Derek sentence was abruptly stopped, and Spencer assumed it had to do with the clattering noise he'd heard.

"_What_ are you _doing?_" Regina shrieked. "Is that Spencer?"

"Regina, I-"

"And you asked why I didn't trust you!"

"It was me!" Spencer shouted. "I called him!"

"How could you?" Regina sneered. "The whole things been rerouted!"

"I swear! Derek was trying-"

"Shut up, Spencer!" There was a whacking noise and a cry from Derek. "How _dare_ you? You lied!"

"I didn't!"

"You worthless piece of shit!" Regina's voice became extremely close to the speaker. "Say goodbye to your _boyfriend _Spencer! You'll never see him again! I'll make him love me!"

"Fine, I don't! I never loved you!"

Another whacking sound.

"I'll cut you up!" Regina threatened.

"Stop!" Spencer cried.

"See you in hell." Regina whispered before the line went dead.

Spencer was left staring a terrified Garcia in the face.

"Do you have an address?"

"I'm looking! I'm-"

"Faster!"

"I… I…"

"Garcia!"

"She has a house off of the highway, about twenty miles from here."

"Send-"

"Already done."

Spencer whirled around to see them rest of the team standing there. When had that happened?

"We go now."

And the word from the Unit chief was the final.

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><p><strong>Oh jeeze! Team BAU to the rescue! What'll happen? Ooohh I bet you're just <strong>_**dying**_** to know :P**

**Show some love if you feel so inclined :D**

**Love always! Xoxoxo**


	8. Chapter 8: You Don't Get A Second Shot

**Hey guys! Hope you're all pumped for this chapter! It's a bit longer than I normally write but I figure none of **_**you **_**are going to complain lol**

**So here we go! And intense and action-filled chapter :D**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Eight:<strong>

Derek thought Regina's head was going to explode that's how angry she looked.

"What in God's name were you thinking?" She practically screamed.

"That I wanted to speak to Spencer before I swore my life into slavery with someone like you." Derek replied coldly.

Regina slapped him hard. "Are you _stupid?_"

"Are you?" Derek snapped.

Regina fixed him with a deathly stare. "What are you implying?"

"How could you possibly think I loved you?" Derek shouted. "How could I love someone who tied me up and took me away from the best thing in my life? How could I love someone who forced themselves on me and taunted my boyfriend?"

"Your _ex_ boyfriend, Derek!"

"You know what Spencer and I do?" Derek shouted, ignoring Regina. "We have sex! That's what gay men do with each other!"

"That's disgusting!" Regina shouted back.

"Not to us, it's not! Not to a large portion of this country, it isn't! You've got some sick twisted way of seeing things, babe, and after all this trouble you went through you haven't even successfully broken us up!"

Regina turned swiftly and snatched up a large knife from the table behind her. She stuck the blade under Derek's chin and hissed at him.

"You're a dead man."

"You're a stupid woman." He replied, not breaking eye contact. Let her kill him, what did he care? It was inevitable from the beginning.

Regina's eyes narrowed. "I'm going to make you pay."

The first slice hurt more than Derek expected.

XXX

Spencer's hands were too shaky to put the Kevlar on and Hotch had to help him while he took deep calming breaths.

"We're going to get to him, Reid. He'll be fine." The words almost seemed like Hotch's own mantra and Spencer could to little but nod. He had to be guided into the passenger seat of the SUV before they headed off.

It was too hot in the stuffy car and his hands wouldn't stay still in his lap. His hair was in his face too often and he was pretty sure his lip was going to split open if he didn't stop biting it.

"Garcia will call us in a moment to give us a background on Regina." Hotch stated and Spencer nodded.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" He asked in a small voice.

"Don't think about it, Reid. We'll get there."

A full minute of tense and uneasy silence engulfed them before Spencer phone rang and he jumped when it did.

"Garcia?"

"_Hey there, boy wonder, I've got the goods on the freak show holding Derek captive."_

"Spill."

"_Regina Reynolds was raised extremely religious. Her mother was a schoolteacher at a catholic school in North Carolina and her father worked as a carpenter. Now, her mother died when little Regina was twelve and her father was remarried the year later."_

"Do you have any information on the new wife?" Hotch asked.

"_Wife? Oh, no, no, no. Her father was remarried to John Witchcoff."_

"In North Carolina?" Spencer asked, confused.

"_Hmm? Oh, no. They all moved up to Connecticut so that the happy couple could be legal. Unfortunately, Mr. Reynolds was put in jail for five years due to some violence in the work place which left Regina in the care of her stepfather."_

"And?"

"_Mr. Witchcoff happened to have some sort of disgusting affixation with young girls and Regina was raped and beaten repeatedly during her father's absence."_

"Did she press charges?"

"_Let me look… No, because… Oh god."_

"What?"

"_Her father came back when she was nineteen and just let the abuse continue. He didn't even try to stop it."_

"She must have a hatred for gays then." Hotch frowned.

"Between that and being raised in such a religious environment the psychological confliction must have been torture." Spencer mused.

"_She moved to Virginia about a week after we finished the case."_ Garcia sighed. _"This girl was an accident waiting to happen."_

"What would the stressor be?" Hotch wondered.

Spencer had a small epiphany. "Derek and I." He stated quietly.

"Pardon?"

Spencer turned to face Hotch fully. "Derek stayed with Regina in the hospital after we found her. It was the case where he'd gotten hit in the face by the unsub so I visited him in Regina's room."

"You... What?"

"I visited him," Spencer blushed. "But Regina was asleep, I thought. It's not like we did anything I just really needed to see if he was alright."

"Why would that be a stressor?"

"We talked about spending the weekend at my place, we talked about what movie to rent and as I left he said 'I love you'. If Regina wasn't asleep then she'd have heard and guessed what our relationship was."

"Reid, that was _months_ ago-"

"I know, but what if she's been around for months? What if this wasn't an impulse taking but she actually planned it out?"

"That would explain quite a bit."

"_Am I all good to go, duckies?"_ Garcia asked, having been temporarily forgotten.

"Yes, thanks so much, Garcia."

"_Anytime."_ She assured before hanging up.

Spencer sighed and put his head in his hands. "Ugh, I'm such and idiot." He mumbled.

"What makes you think that?" Hotch asked.

"If I hadn't… If I had just waited until Derek was back at the office… But then she heard and now he's… Now he's…" Spencer trailed off and just stared at his hands.

"Reid, there is no way you could have known. This is not your fault in any way."

"Doesn't help the fact that Derek is in danger now."

"No, but you blaming yourself isn't helping either."

Spencer seemed to consider it for a while longer before sighing.

"You're right, I need to stay focused."

The rest of the ride was silent and Spencer couldn't help but notice that Hotch kept going faster and faster. They finally spotted the dirt road up ahead that would take them where they were going and Hotch made a sharp turn. Spencer watched in the rearview mirror as the second SUV with Rossi and Emily and JJ turned behind them along with several police cars they had called for backup.

The road was long and windy and they couldn't go more than thirty miles an hour without injury so it took them around five minutes before they pulled up in front of the worn down white house.

Everyone seemed to jump form the car and Rossi quickly called out to them.

"Garcia called us and told us about Regina. How do you want to play this?"

"He's not here." Spencer muttered to Hotch. "Derek said he was in a barn and that Regina's home might be around ten minutes from it."

Hotch nodded before turning to the small crowd of people. "JJ, I want you and Officer Brown to search the house, see what you can find. Reid, Rossi, Prentiss and I will go one way and I want the rest of you to split up. Notify us of any findings." Hotch addressed the police before turning and saying quietly to Spencer. "I'm going to let you make the call, Reid. Which way are we going?"

Spencer stopped and looked around for a moment. There were several trails leading off of the clearing with the house, all looking worn down and used. Spencer pushed all thoughts of Derek from his head and thought about what he would do if this were any old case, where would he go?

"That way," Spencer said, nodding to one of the larger paths to the left.

"Are you sure?"

Spencer swallowed. "Dead weight is a lot heavier than alive. Regina is tiny and would have a hard enough time dragging Derek from our apartment to a car let alone through the woods for ten minutes. That trail is the only one even remotely large enough for some sort of vehicle to go through. I think it's our best bet."

Hotch nodded before addressing the law enforcement again who had begun to talk amongst themselves.

"Okay, we're going this way. If you find any type of building, notify us and do not enter unless Agent Morgan seems to be in immediate danger. Are we clear?"

There were nods of assent and Hotch looked grimly back at the three other waiting agents.

"In the SUV." He ordered. "We'll drive."

Spencer could feel adrenalin coursing through him as he jumped back in the car. Worried and concerned thoughts couldn't help but enter his mind and he was having trouble concentrating on anything except the speedometer. What if they didn't make it? What if Derek was so physically or emotionally injured he had to be put into some sort of rehabilitating hospital for a long time? What if the sight of Spencer disgusted him? And what if he didn't love him anymore?

Spencer shook his head, trying to bore the images out, but they kept returning and he could do nothing but bite his lip and look back at the gravel road.

Suddenly, through the trees, he could see the vague outline of a large red barn and Spencer's heart jumped.

There it was.

The car hadn't even stopped before he was trying to get out of the car but Hotch grabbed his sleeve.

"We go in properly and together." He reprimanded. "I need you to keep your head."

Spencer gulped and nodded.

"You can do all the talking and even lead us, but only if you're capable of not compromising our and Derek's safety."

Spencer nodded again, more vigorously.

"You do not shoot for any reason other than she makes a harmful or threatening move."

"I did the company test, Hotch! I took the oath! I know!" Spencer growled.

"I have faith, but I need to know you can do this."

Spencer took a steadying breath. "I can."

"Then we go on your move."

Spencer nodded and got out of the car, leaving the door open so the closing would not alert Regina if she didn't already know they were there. He was about two steps away from the vehicle when it happened.

He heard a cry. It was strangled and pained but it was still loud and it resonated in Spencer ears.

It was Derek.

Derek was crying out in pain and agony and Spencer was less than twenty feet from the barn door but he had to keep calm. He had to take slow strides and keep his gun stretched out in front of him without firing blindly through the door.

"Ahhhhh! AH!" It came a second time and Spencer felt his gut clench and his insides churn. His heart was hammering against his ribs and he felt like it alone was going to rip him into tiny pieces. He had to keep the mental image of what was happening in there out of his head, but that didn't stop him from breaking out in a low run.

When he got to the barn door he looked behind him to see Rossi and Hotch both looking at him. Spencer signaled them to go around the other side and they did just that. Spencer then looked to Emily who had nothing but pure fear written on her face as they heard muffled sobs and cries from inside the barn.

Spencer slowly held up three fingers and Emily nodded. Spencer slowly moved his fingers down one at a time.

Three… Two…

Spencer held his breath.

One.

With all the adrenalin in him, kicking the door down seemed like no effort at all and they blew wide open and Spencer was now staring at Derek and Regina.

And nothing, _nothing_ Spencer had imagined or thought through had prepared him for what he saw.

Derek was sitting on a wooden chair, hands tied behind his back, in nothing but his boxers. Regina was straddling Derek's lap with a large butchers knife in one hand. Derek had a black eye and several bruises littering his mocha skin but what immediately drew Spencer's attention was Derek's neck.

Blood flowed freely down Derek's chest and stomach, staining Regina's clothes as it pooled in both their laps. There were three long, sweeping cuts across the front and side of Derek's throat and for a moment, Spencer was frozen, just staring at the mess that was his boyfriend as he heard Emily's gasp beside him.

"F-FBI!" Spencer stuttered his gun trained on Regina. The girl turned and gave him a sickly smile before standing off Derek.

"Drop the weapon and put your hands behind your head!" Prentiss shouted, having found her voice. They both moved forward to get clear shots.

"Spencer!" She greeted. "Look who's come, Derek!"

Spencer's whole body seemed to relax, however minimally, as Derek's eyes fluttered open and found Spencer. Derek was alive.

He was _alive._

"Spencer," He mumbled feebly.

"Hang in there, babe. We're going to get you." Spencer assured just as Hotch and Rossi came in the other side.

Regina immediately jumped behind Derek so her back wasn't to either of them and grabbed the chair, titling it back before pressing the knife to Derek's throat again.

"Back off! All of you!" She spat, looking wildly at them.

"No point in trying anything, Regina." Rossi spoke. "It's over. There's four of us and one of you."

"I said 'back off!'" She cried before turning to Spencer. "These cuts are relatively deep, doctor, but it would take hardly any effort at all to slice his head right off."

"Your knife even twitches and I'll put a bullet through your head." Spencer gritted, his fear now replaced with serious contempt.

"You have that much confidence?" Regina sneered. "After you failed your qualification _again_ about two months ago?"

Spencer's eyes narrowed. "I took it again and had perfect aim."

"I know," Reina rolled her eyes. "If you ask me, it was luck. I practically vomited when Derek suggested 'victory sex'." Regina crinkled her nose as if she smelled something awful.

Spencer faltered. "H-how long have you been stalking us?"

She laughed loudly. "'Us?' No, not 'us', Spencer, I've been watching _Derek._ I have no interest in you."

"How long?" Spencer repeated.

"Since I moved here, about a week after the case." Regina smiled wickedly. "I have cameras and microphones all over your apartment, Spencer." She smirked. "And they all say you're a genius."

"I'm a lot smarter than you."

"How so?" Regina asked, still laughing.

"I'm not the one who left my captive with access to a phone."

Regina stopped laughing and glared. "Derek's not my captive."

"Oh, really? Because it doesn't really look like he's here of his own free will, does it?"

Regina glanced at Derek. "He loves me." She murmured.

"Actually, he loves me."

"Men don't love men!" Regina screamed. "It's sick and unnatural and you will all rot in hell for it!"

"Look, I know what your stepdad did to you, Regina. I know what happened after your mom died-"

"Nothing happened!"

"Yes it did." Spencer chided. "Your step father raped and beat you repeatedly. And I know that you think that's what we're all like right?" Spencer waited, as Regina's eyes grew scared. "You think all gays are going to treat you the same; that we're all going to hurt you and damage you. We're not, Regina."

"Like you could." Regina spat coldly. "You're basically a twig. You couldn't hold down a piece of paper let alone me!"

"No one's going to hold you down. All I want is for you to let go of my boyfriend."

"He's not yours." She laughed. "When will you get it through that thick skull of yours? We had sex, Spencer."

"So? You had sex with your stepdad. Did you love _him_?" Spencer knew the words were blunt and damaging, but his patience was worn thin, Derek was going to die if they didn't get him help.

"That never happened!" Regina screamed.

"It did, Regina. You can't ignore it forever."

Regina was silent for a long while. "You're all filth. You're dirty and diseased."

"Homosexuality is not a disease-"

"It is! You were infected and then you infected Derek!"

Spencer shook his head. "You're delusional. Now, I won't ask you again. Put the knife down."

"I'm not finished."

"You are." Spencer spat. "You're a psycho who took Derek and my patience is at it's end."

"You think I'm stupid, doctor? You think you know me?"

"No, but I know enough."

Regina laughed and put the knife at Derek's throat again. "Like what?"

"Like how after what had happened with your step father, you weren't afraid when Betton took you. You were almost relieved; you had heard what had happened to those other girls and you thought he'd kill you too, you thought he'd put you out of your misery. But Derek showed up and those hopes were dashed. Except Derek was different. He protected you and you thought that if you could only keep him with you forever, you'd never be scared again." Spencer licked his lips. "I ruined that for you, didn't I? It seems that gay men are taking everything from you."

"What could he possibly see in you that's not in me?"

Spencer shrugged, his eyes still cold and steely. "I don't know. I'll never know."

Regina seemed to contemplate him. "What do you mean, you don't know?"

"Well, I'm not much of a catch am I?" Spencer laughed ruefully. "I'm scrawny and annoying and have very minimal social skills. I'm pathetic." He gritted.

Regina nodded. "Yeah, you are."

"Good, now that that's established will you let him go?"

"No,"

"I'm done playing games, Regina."

"And I'm done talking like Derek belongs to you."

"He's not yours. He's mine. He's been mine for a while now and I'm sure if you asked him, he would say the same thing. You need help and bad, so put the knife down and we'll get it for you."

"He loves me. He doesn't like touching you."

"Fine," Spencer spat. "You want me to prove you wrong? Here," Spencer moved the collar of his shirt to show the purple teeth marks there. When he was sure Regina had seen it; when her eyes seemed to focus, he tucked his shirt back and held the gun again. "That was from four nights ago. Derek and I were being intimate and he bit me. I complained because the people we worked with were going to see and you know what he said? He said 'let them see that you're mine'. We belong with each other, Regina. Give up."

Regina stood there for a few seconds, staring at Spencer.

"No!"

Her knife twitched and the shot rang.

Regina's face was stunned and blank as she stood. As the first drop of blood ran, her eyes unfocused and then she slumped to the ground.

Spencer was at Derek's side instantaneously. He could hear Hotch on the radio, calling for the medics they had on standby and giving directions. He could see Emily crouch to check Regina out of his peripherals and then shake her head at Rossi. He could sense all of this, but his eyes were trained on Derek.

His head was slumped forward and there was still blood flowing from the wounds, though not so quickly now.

"Derek?" He said feebly.

Derek eyes slowly opened and half focused on him, not enough though.

"Spencer?"

"Hey, hang in there. Help is on the way, we're getting you help."

"So cold."

"I know, baby, I know. Stay with me okay? Listen to me."

"Kay," Derek's eyes drifted shut.

"No, no! You keep your eyes open, Derek! You keep your eyes open now! Don't you dare leave! Stay! Can you hear me?"

"Yeah," The reply was weak and soft.

"Open your eyes, Derek."

"So… tired."

"You listen here, Derek Morgan!" Spencer cried, caressing Derek's cheek. "You listen, and stay here."

"Not… going… anywhere."

"Then open those pretty brown eyes now."

Derek's eyes came open half way.

"Perfect, that's great, baby. Keep them like that." Somewhere, Spencer could hear sirens.

"I love you,"

Spencer felt himself choke. "I love you more baby."

Derek shook his head and there was small smile on his lips, but the movements made him wince.

"Ow,"

Spencer put his hands on Derek's cheeks. "I know it hurts, baby. But the ambulance is right outside. The medics are almost here."

"I don't… want medics."

Spencer smiled briefly. "You're so stubborn. You're getting medics whether you want them or not."

Suddenly the sirens turned off and Spencer could see the ambulances lights flashing around the spacious barn.

"Spencer," Came Emily's voice. "The medics are here. You need to move."

Spencer was reluctant, but pulled away to make way for the man and woman dressed in uniform. He stared as they spoke to Derek and began working on him. They untied him and started to maneuver him onto a stretcher.

"Good work,"

Spencer turned to see Hotch standing there. He gave an offhand shrug.

"I'm serious, Reid. That was well done."

Spencer gave a half smile and Hotch nodded. As the older agent walked off Spencer glanced down to Regina's body. The bullet had gone right between her eyes. It had struck so exact that if Spencer hadn't been the one to do it he would have thought the person had been pressing the gun to her forehead.

"Nice shot," Rossi said behind him.

"Yeah," Spencer sighed. The anger he felt was still bottled up. Shooting Regina had barely released any of it. He wished he'd been aloud to get his hands on her, to use his muscles to hurt her. Suddenly, hitting a wall like Derek didn't seem so stupid.

It seemed like ages of just standing and waiting before Hotch approached him. By now it was dark and most of the policemen who hadn't been in direct contact with the case had gone home. The medics had been able to do a basic stabilization on Derek and Spencer had watched him fall asleep. The medic had assured Spencer that he was in fact sleeping and not passed out, which was comforting, but Spencer still wasn't relaxed in any way. The oldest agent looked wary as he walked towards him.

"The medics are going to load Derek now. Are you going to ride to the hospital with him?"

Spencer nodded with a deadpan expression.

He walked slowly to the ambulance and waited until Derek's stretcher was in correctly before climbing in and seating himself on the bench. He suddenly felt very tried and worn out and he wanted nothing more than to be at home and asleep in the arms of the man he loved.

Spencer buried his face in his hands. It had been such a long forty-eight hours.

Suddenly there was a hand on his and when Spencer looked up Derek was looking back at him with a small, sad smile on his lips. Spencer couldn't do anything but grin encouragingly at him before grasping Derek's hand in his own and squeezing tightly with no intention of letting go anytime soon. Sure the bad had past and the hard was coming soon but for now it was okay.

For now it was just fine.

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><p><strong>I hope you guys liked this because I <strong>_**loved **_**it. My opinion might be slightly skewed but I have a good percentage of confidence you guys liked it.**

**I think there is one more chapter before this is wrapped up :)**

**Tell me your favorite part if you want! I love hearing which parts were the favorite :D**

**Love always! Xoxoxo**


	9. Chapter 9: Face Your Fears

**Thanks so much to everyone who has supported me through this story. Sadly, this is the last chapter, but it's long and filled with man love so I don't think you'll be too disappointed!**

**Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter Nine:<strong>

The tiny chair was hard and uncomfortable but Spencer sat almost completely still, save for his breathing and tapping toe. It had been two hours since he'd last seen Derek and he hadn't heard a word since the paramedics had hustled his boyfriend out of the ambulance.

The team had had to stay behind and finish the work but they had promised to stop by later once it was all finished. And that left Spencer alone.

Spencer let his eyes move around the hallway and sighed. He didn't know if Derek was in surgery or if he had only gone to emergency, no one had told him and he felt like he was left in the dark, searching.

Derek wouldn't be the same. Spencer knew that. But what if this time the change was too large; too dramatic? What if now that Derek wasn't staring the psychopathic woman in the face he changed his mind? How could Derek possibly love another man after both the grief with Carl and now this?

Spencer put his head in his hands as the familiar uneasiness clenched his stomach. Should Spencer even try to mention it? What if trying to make their relationship work would just be twisting the knife?

Compared to now, it had all seemed so simple while they were still looking for him. Spencer would find him, give him his space, talk through it, and eventually Derek would come to love him again.

Now Spencer felt lost. There was a suffocating feeling in his lungs and he wasn't sure how much more anticipation he could take. Maybe he should just leave or give Derek a note saying he understood. He could get a transfer… it would make things easier and that way Spencer wouldn't have to go through the hurt of it all.

Spencer stood from the chair and tugged at his shirt. That was the right idea. He would do that.

Just as Spencer began to walk down the hallway there was a voice behind him.

"Derek Morgan?"

Spencer turned. There was a doctor standing there with a clipboard looking expectantly at him.

"Yes?" He asked tentatively.

"I'm Dr. Holden, I was working on Derek. He's been well looked after and is now stable." The doctor looked over his clipboard again. "Who are you in relation to him?"

Spencer cleared his throat. "I, uh, I'm his… I _was _his… We're coworkers." Spencer amended not wanting to go into the details of what he was going to say.

"Is Mr. Morgan's, uh… boyfriend around? The one that road in the ambulance?" Asked the doctor and Spencer had to resist rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, that's me."

"Oh." Dr. Holden looked puzzled but shrugged and indicated with his head for Spencer to follow him. "He's still sleeping from the anesthetic, but should be up in no time."

"How are his injuries?"

"Well, he lost a fair amount of blood from the cuts on his neck, but luckily for him, they were somewhat shallow. He's been stitched up and will feel pain and stiffness in his neck for a while, but other than that he should make a full recovery."

Dr. Holden stopped in the middle of the hallway and looked at Spencer.

"We're almost at his room, but I need to warn you." He sighed. "It's not very pretty, and the sight will probably upset you, but I can assure you he's fine."

Spencer nodded and Dr. Holden continued.

"He's going to feel vulnerable and I need you to be encouraging towards him."

Spencer stared at the doctor. He couldn't do this. He couldn't face Derek right now. He couldn't look him in the eye and say that everything was going to be alright. Not if Derek was going to break up with him.

"I… I c-can't." Spencer stuttered.

"You _can._ Don't worry." Dr. Holden guided Spencer with a hand on his back. "I'll be back in a while to go over what he needs for home care, but for now, just make sure he doesn't feel alone."

Spencer gulped and nodded and turned to wards the room that Dr. Holden was pointing to.

Slowly, step by small step, Spencer entered the room.

Derek was laying there with an IV I his arm and an oxygen tube up his nose. Spencer could make out two black eyes even on the older mans dark skin and a number of bruises along his arms. He had heavy bandages around his wrists and a few in random spots but they didn't compare to the ones on his neck.

They were thick and looked itchy, Spencer could make out some blood along the edges where the bandage wasn't as wide and quite a bit on the hospital gown he was wearing. Spencer could hear Derek's breathing, which was raspy and sounded painful.

Spencer wanted to be sick. If he hadn't kept Derek on the phone longer than necessary, if he had only hung up once they had all the information, Derek wouldn't have the blood loss or the bandages. He wouldn't have the raspy breath or the week's worth of pain to come.

It took some serious will power not to just run out of there right then, but Spencer took a deep breath and settled in one of the chairs. This one was at least a little more comfy.

Spencer put his head back in his hands and continued worrying for the better part of an hour before he heard the heart rate monitor change slightly and a sharper intake of breath.

Spencer looked up to see Derek's eyes come open slightly. They were glazed and unfocused and Spencer didn't dare to move. After a moment they seemed to search the whole room before falling on Spencer who could do nothing but still there like a deer in headlights.

"Spah…" Derek winced as his first attempt to speak was foiled by the pain in his throat. He moved a hand up to the bandages before seeming to remember and dropped it again. He cleared his throat slowly and determinedly and tried again.

"Spencer," He rasped.

The younger of the two couldn't help the tiny smile that tugged at his mouth. But he let it fall almost immediately.

"Hey, Derek." Spencer stood so that Derek wouldn't hurt his neck having it twisted like that. "I know it's a dumb question, but how are you feeling?"

"Not dumb," Derek rasped and winced. "It hurts, but it's manageable."

Spencer nodded and then bit his lip. They both stayed like that for a while, neither knowing what to say or do.

"The team?" Derek asked.

"Still finishing up, they'll be by in a while."

Derek half-nodded and they resume there contemplating stares.

"What happened to Regina?"

"I shot her," Spencer shrugged. "She was going to kill you. It's probably better where she is anyways." He added grimly. "I'm sorry this had to happen to you."

"Don't be."

The silence resumed for quite a while.

"So," Derek broke after the tension had climbed significantly. "I guess we should talk."

Spencer looked away. "I guess," He mumbled, knowing the inevitable.

"I…" Derek started. "I guess you know… what happened."

Spencer nodded.

"And I guess… you understand that I'm not… me, right now."

Spencer nodded. "Yeah, I understand." He felt so childish, here Derek was, laying in pain and comforting _Spencer._

"I want this to work but…"

"No, no. It's fine. No need to explain. I completely understand and if breaking up is what you need to do right now than I am one hundred percent behind your decision and-"

"What? What, no! That's not what I want."

"But you said-"

"I was going to say that I'm going to need time. I'm going to need to take it at my own rate. Can you… Is that something… you think you can do?"

Spencer felt all his insides melt. Derek looked so small and weak and now he was unsure whether or not Spencer would stay with him.

"Of… of _course_ I can do that." Spencer smiled. "I can definitely do that."

Derek closed his yes and looked like he was going to start crying.

"Really?" He asked in a small voice.

"Derek," Spencer grabbed the older mans hand and Derek opened his eyes. "I would be fine if we swore to celibacy for _life._ I just want to be with you. That's it."

Now, tears did fall from Derek's eyes and he squeezed the hand holding his. Spencer leaned over and wrapped Derek in an awkward hug that both of them needed and he felt the older man start to really cry. He shook with tears and sobs and seemed to just let go all of what the past forty-eight hours had brought him.

"It's going to be alright, Derek. We'll get through this." Spencer comforted as Derek's sobs died down. Spencer pulled back and wiped the tears from his lover's eyes.

"I don't think I could swear to celibacy for life." Derek joked and Spencer couldn't help but laugh. Things didn't seem so bad now. He and Derek would work on their relationship and Spencer was sure that, in time, they would both be whole again.

The team eventually arrived and all gave their best wishes to Derek. They all seemed relieved that the two of them seemed like they were going to try to work things out and frankly, Spencer was too. Derek seemed to be relaxed but Spencer knew it wasn't forever. Derek could only compartmentalize so much before he had to face what had happened. For now though, he'd be alright.

Eventually, they'd all be alright.

XXX

It was three months after Derek had been taken and the two of them were sitting on their couch watching an old romantic comedy. Spencer had his head tentatively rested on Derek's shoulder and Derek and draped an arm loosely over Spencer.

The older of the two had been enabled to go back to work about a month ago, and even though he still wasn't kicking down doors or tackling unsubs he was happy to not be sitting at home alone.

The team had welcomed him back with open arms and they had all tried not to stare too hard at the then still red scars on his neck. Spencer had been confirmed by Derek that his ego hadn't taken too big a hit and he really didn't become irritated when he caught one of them looking, but Spencer was cautious of not staring anyways.

The two of them had been getting on well. Emotionally they were closer than ever, but physically not much had progressed. Sure, they kissed; little pecks here and there as a show of endearment, and they had made out once or twice, but nothing hot and heavy. Spencer simply didn't want to push Derek and Derek was afraid of being pushed.

So here they were, sitting on the couch, touching each other as much as possible without being intimate while watching two people fall in love.

Spencer heard Derek sigh and looked up at him.

"You okay? Are they hurting?" He asked, indicating the scars.

"Do you miss it?" Derek asked.

"Miss what?" Spencer furrowed his brow in confusion.

"Having sex." Derek answered.

Spencer gulped. The two of them hadn't spoken of sex at all. Not once.

"I, well… I-"

"Please, Spence," Derek turned so he was facing Spencer completely. "Don't lie."

Spencer sighed. "Yeah, I do. But I'm not going to love you any less because of it."

"But you do miss it?" Derek asked, a pained sort of expression on his face, which made Spencer anxious.

"If anyone loses something they enjoy they're going to miss it." Spencer said simply, shrugging in a non-committal way.

"But you're saying-"

"I rather be with you and not have sex rather than with someone else and have it."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Why?"

Spencer sighed again. "Derek, I love you and I almost lost you. Nothing is going to take you away from me. _Nothing._"

The two sat for a while before Derek spoke up again.

"I'm sorry,"

"For what, baby?"

"I don't know. I know it's not my fault but… I just wish it were different. I wish you didn't need to, you know, please yourself."

Spencer blushed. He guessed it would have been easy enough for Derek to put two and two together when Spencer started to have those long showers or excuse himself to the bathroom for extended periods of time, but he hadn't been expecting it to be brought up.

"Don't think I didn't know what was going on." Derek said softly, as if reading his thoughts.

Spencer just laughed. "It's not as bad as it seems. It used to be _all_ I did, so it's not like it's new territory or anything."

Derek sighed. "I just want to be able to give you what you want."

"I _have_ what I want, babe. You."

Derek smiled a small smile before kissing Spencer on the temple. "You're amazing." He whispered.

"No, that would be you." Spencer smiled before turning back to the TV.

There were quite a few minutes of silence and Spencer opted to put his head back on Derek's shoulder. It was a small gesture, but any touch he was aloud, he would take.

Derek sighed and leaned in to the touch before speaking quietly.

"I miss it too."

Spencer lifted his head to look at the man, searching his eyes.

"You do?"

"Of course I do. I remember what we had and it was so…" Derek seemed at a loss for the word but Spencer let him take his time. "Beautiful." He finished.

"That's an accurate descriptor." Spencer smiled.

"And I want it. I want it again."

"Well, when you're ready we'll take it slow and-"

"No," Said Derek turning fully towards Spencer again. "I'm done waiting and feeling sorry for myself."

"Derek, I-"

"No," Derek shook his head again. "You're not her. You're not _him_ either. You are Spencer. My lover and best friend. And I'm going to make this work. I'm going to make it right."

"Derek, seriously. We need to talk more about-"

"I want this now." Derek said softly, looking at Spencer with what looked like desperation in his eyes. "Please,"

"W-we have barely even made it past kissing. We've made out twice! We have to ease into this."

"There's no point. I want you. Right now."

Spencer couldn't help the flutter of his heart. He wanted this so bad but he couldn't do it.

"I-I can't hurt you, Derek. I _can't._"

"You won't. I'll make sure it doesn't come to that." Derek stood and held his hand out to Spencer. "Please, baby."

Spencer was so torn between giving in and staying strong, but the look in Derek's eye seemed determined. Spencer couldn't pass it up. Rejection would be too hard on his fragile lover.

"Okay," He agreed, taking the outstretched hand and standing with Derek. The older of them seemed at a loss for what to do, so Spencer gently put his hands around Derek's neck and pressed his lips slowly to the others.

There was a moment, a small moment, where Derek seemed to be hesitating, but after a moment the lips began to move against Spencer's. He felt Derek's arms wrap slowly around his waist, and even though the hold was loose, it still felt good to be held.

Spencer did not heat the kiss up. As determined as Derek was, Spencer was not taking any risks that involved Derek pulling away and feeling guilt and fear. Their lips moved in tandem, but it was loving, not needy.

After a minute, Spencer pulled back slightly and looked in to Derek's eyes for some reassurance. What he saw was mostly shock, and he instantly felt Derek's arms tighten.

"I've missed holding you so much." He breathed and Spencer kissed him once more before taking his hand and slowly guiding them to their bedroom.

Once they were in the room, Spencer took off his sweater vest and tie. His pants quickly followed them and then he sat on the bed, wearing nothing but his button-up shirt and boxers.

Derek stood there, somewhat hopeless just watching. He seemed at a loss for what to do, so Spencer patted the bed beside him and Derek sat down. Spencer trailed his hands up Derek's chest before fisting his shirt gently and pulling him in for another kiss. It was still slow, but there was a deeper aspect to it.

"I'm going to take this off now, okay?" He asked, indicating the shirt in his hands.

Derek gulped and nodded and Spencer made slow work of lifting it over his head so that Derek could back out at any time. Once it was off Spencer just stared at the expanse of body. Derek had been changing in the bathroom and Spencer hadn't seen much of anything since that fateful night he was taken.

"So perfect," Spencer murmured, running his hands over Derek's chest. When the trailing fingers came to rest at the scar on Derek's shoulder, he felt the older mans hands at his elbows, halting him.

"Sorry," Spencer whispered, not moving an inch.

"It's fine just… go slow."

Spencer nodded and continued his roaming, moving his fingers to Derek stomach.

"Can we get this off?" Derek asked after a while, tugging at Spencer's shirt.

"Would you like to do it?"

Derek nodded and moved his hands to Spencer's neck, undoing the first button.

When three were open, Derek dipped his head to kiss at Spencer's exposed collarbone.

"Mmm," Spencer sighed. "That feels nice."

Derek continued to kiss there until all the buttons were open, then he lifted his head to pull the fabric off Spencer's shoulders.

"This feels weird." He laughed quietly. "It's like our first time all over again."

Spencer laughed too. "Except this time, I'm not shaking with nervousness."

Derek shook his head. "I feel like I don't know what to do."

Spencer shrugged. "Do what feels good."

Derek nodded and leaned forward to latch his mouth onto Spencer's jaw line. Spencer let his eyes flutter shut at the foreign but oh so familiar feel of Derek's mouth there.

Derek slowly moved until his lips were teasing behind Spencer's ear and the younger had to bite his lip to keep from saying or doing something too forward. But after a minute, Derek pulled back.

"Does it not feel good?"

"What? No, it feels great. Why would you-?"

"You're the loudest person I know when it comes to just simply making out, but you haven't made one noise."

Spencer blushed. "I didn't want to scare you."

"Scare me? I've heard you moan before, Spencer."

"I know, but… I don't know. I'll make noise if you want me too."

"Only if it feels good…"

"Believe me, it feels great."

Derek smiled and kissed Spencer's lips. This time it was definitely more passionate. There was love and lust and a plethora of emotions that neither knew what to do with, but it didn't matter.

Spencer pulled away after a while and pointed to Derek's jeans. "Want these off?"

Derek nodded. "I'll do it, though."

Spencer watched as Derek stood and pulled the pants down agonizingly slow, and Spencer was well aware that Derek was teasing.

"Come on, Derek. Cut it out."

"Sorry," He grinned. "I just love watching you squirm."

Spencer stood too. "I think we should strip together. You know, so one of us isn't naked without the other."

Derek grinned. The sentence was similar to one Spencer had used their first time and the memory was one of Derek's favorites.

"Okay, sounds good."

Spencer nodded and slowly began to work his underwear off and watched as Derek did the same. Once they were both completely naked, they stood for a while, just looking over each other. The territory was strange and alien, yet domestic and comforting at the same time and both of them couldn't help the awed looks come across their faces.

"Can I… touch you?" Derek asked.

Spencer was somewhat shocked but nodded. "If you want to. Don't force it."

"I want to," Derek confirmed, eyes roaming over Spencer's whole body.

Spencer gulped and closed his eyes. He felt Derek's hand wrap around his half-hard length and he let out a shaky breath.

"Good?"

Spencer nodded. There were a few experimental tugs and Spencer whimpered quietly. A moment later he felt Derek's sweet breath ghost over his face and Spencer opened his eyes to see two big brown ones a couple inches from his. They were looking back and forth between Spencer's as if searching for reassurance. Spencer pressed their foreheads together and stared at Derek's mouth.

"So good," He murmured and moaned when Derek swiped his thumb over Spencer head. Spencer grabbed onto Derek's arms for support.

"Can I t-touch you too?"

He felt Derek nod and slowly reached a hand between them. He was happy to find that Derek was already fully hard, meaning he was finding this enjoyable but was still cautious with his movements. Derek groaned low in his throat and Spencer looked up at him through his long lashes.

"Move this to the bed?" Spencer suggested and Derek nodded.

Spencer lay down first; adjusting his hips so they were set wide so Derek had an easy time nestling between them. The older of them looked a little fearful and nervous but Spencer gave an encouraging smile and reached into the drawer for the lube. The sight made Derek's eyes grow wide.

"Do you want me to do it?" Spencer asked, not wanting to pressure the older man.

"No. No, I'll do it." He said, taking the lube and opening it. He was slow in putting some on his fingers, but even more hesitant once he'd found Spencer's entrance. But Spencer nodded and encouraged.

The first finger made the younger man hiss and Derek immediately stopped all movements.

"Are you-?"

"No, I'm fine. Give it a sec."

They waited together and Spencer took calming breaths before giving the go ahead.

"Sorry, it's just been long enough to hurt right off the bat." He murmured trying to keep his Mind off the one finger still moving into him.

The second finger took longer and Spencer couldn't help but apologize. When Derek stopped for him to relax he gave Spencer a calming look.

"It's not like I expected you to keep yourself stretched for me. Don't apologize."

"Yeah," Spencer breathed. "But this would've been easier if I had. I should have thought of it before."

"Seriously, it's fine." Derek amended before adding a third finger.

"Ah!" Spencer clenched. "Stop! Stop for a moment."

"Sorry!"

"Spencer shook his head and took three deep breaths. "Okay, go."

Derek nodded and continued the preparation, after a few minutes Spencer sighed contentedly.

"Feels good, now. I'm ready."

"You sure?"

"Mm hmm."

Derek looked nervous as he slicked up but Spencer smiled at him.

"You look gorgeous."

Derek laughed. "I wish you could see yourself right now."

It hurt initially as Derek pushed in, but after a moment the burn turn into a fire that certainly had nothing to do with pain.

"You can go,"

The thrusts were hesitant at first but building speed at every pleasure noise Spencer made.

"Oh, yeah. So good." He gripped at Derek's biceps for support and panted softly.

"You feel great, baby." Derek cooed. "You're so tight."

"Mm, so big." Spencer sighed.

Derek's movements became more frantic and Spencer grabbed the back of his neck and guided him down for a long kiss. "Perfect. So perfect." Spencer let his hand wander to the three scars on Derek's throat. He hadn't touched them before, only looked, but they were no longer scary, they were reminders of why he was with this man.

Derek smiled at him, but it was nervous.

"These are beautiful." Spencer whispered and Derek's smile was huge. Spencer kissed him again, longer but more difficult since the power of Derek's thrusts were jolting both of them.

"You're mine." Derek whispered.

"Always." Spencer smiled.

Derek sat up slightly and Spencer cried out.

"Oh! God! There! Right there!"

"Here?" Derek pushed harder.

"Nnngghhh! There! Yes!"

"You close?"

Spencer whimpered. "So close," He bit his lip and wrapped his legs tightly around Derek's waist, pulling him impossibly closer. He grabbed at Derek's sides so he could contribute in working the length in and out of himself and brought his hips up with every thrust to make Derek go deeper.

"Ugh, pretty boy." Derek moaned.

"Cum inside me Derek." Spencer whined.

"Ahh. Gonna have to. Soon."

"Come on, baby. Fill me up."

"Mmm, Spence." Derek wrapped a talented hand around Spencer's cock and the younger mans head almost exploded.

"Oh God! YES!"

"You like that?" Derek was rolling his hips in urgency, trying to hold out but knowing he was on the edge, right at the peak.

Spencer's mouth form a perfect 'O' as he gasped for breath, chest moving up and down rapidly.

"I'm almost there, baby." Derek groaned. "So close."

"I want you to fill me now," Spencer said, gaze filled with lust.

"I… I… AHHH! Fuck!" Derek tensed as he released his load in Spencer and double his effort with his hand still firmly wrapped around the younger mans length.

Spencer was close behind, his prostate being jammed as Derek stilled.

"Oh fuck! Derek! Mmaahhh!" Spencer cried and came between the two of them, rocking back and forth with the force of the orgasm.

Derek let himself catch his breath before rolling off of the small body and laying beside him. He wrapped Spencer in his arms almost immediately, disregarding that he was extremely hot.

It felt odd to lay there with Derek's body wrapped around his. For the past three months the closest they'd been while sleeping was holding hands and even that hadn't happened very often. But the action was still familiar.

"You're my saving grace." Derek murmured into Spencer's hair. "I love you."

"I love you too," Spencer said happily and ran his fingers over the scars once more.

"How can you think they're beautiful?" Derek asked, unsure.

"They remind me of why I never want to let you go again. They're a reminder of why I love you."

"Because I got taken?" Derek frowned.

"No, because you are you. And no one else is like you, and these scars prove it. We've come closer together emotionally because of them and I think they'll bring us together spiritually and physically as well."

Derek sighed. "I like that idea."

Spencer nodded and snuggled closer. There were still things to deal with, still things to work through, but this was perfect. This moment was flawless no matter how flawed _they_ were.

And that was how it was going to stay.

* * *

><p><strong>The end! Ahh! It's been such an amazing ride, writing this story and I thank all of you who reviewed favorited or added this your alerts! You guys are what keep me going and your support is unbelievable.<strong>

**I hope you liked it! Be sure to tell me if you want :D**

**Love always! Xoxoxo**


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